Derry Girls Oneshots

Crossed Wires - James x David, Erin x Charlene

"You're never gonna believe this, girls." Said Erin, her fist full of coloured slips of paper.

"Ay, I'm sure we won't, Erin. What in God's name are those?" Michelle shot back.

"Charlene Kavanagh is throwing some massive party this Saturday. How great is that?"

"I thought you said you couldn't stand Charlene Kavanagh."

"I never said I couldn't stand her."

"Ay," Clare started "But I think you called her a shallow, self absorbed-"

"That's all in the past now, right? Do you lot want to go or not?"

"Will there be drink?"

"No."

"Hash?"

"Why would there be hash, Michelle? Look, it's just a party. A normal, fun party."

Erin handed her one of the colourful pages from her hand. Michelle's eyes glanced over it, before she crumpled the page and let it fall to the ground.

"Why the fuck would I waste my time going then?"

"Michelle! Look, there's gonna be a bunch of lads going. Christian Brothers Boys School or something. Total rides they are, at least if my David Donnelly is any example."

"Stop the fuckin' lights. You're only going 'cause you want to try and ride David Donnelly, aren't you?"

"David Donnelly?" James asked, easing the tension. "The same David Donnelly who did the music for Jenny Joyce's party?"

"How many other David Donnellys do you know? Well, dicko?"

James's face started getting more and more pink. The thought of Erin trying to flirt with a boy in the first place gave everyone an unhealthy dose of second-hand embarrassment.

This coupled with the fact that David Donnelly was James's boyfriend, made for a madly uncomfortable time.

"Are you ok, James? You're looking a bit red."

James panicked and quickly began stuttering. The word 'Party' was the only thing any of the girls were able to pick up.

"Oh my God. I think I've copped on to what's happening." Michelle said, playfully punching James's arm. "You want to get with Charlene Kavanagh! You're scared shitless that David is gonna end up riding her. Isn't that right?"

James's fear turned into downright confusion, before he realized he could just agree, and it would be over.

"Uh, yeah. You caught me."

'Perfect,' James thought. 'If I just say yes, they'll leave it be, right?'

Wrong.

"James," Michelle started "As the person in the group with the best relationship advice, you two are perfect for each other. Written in the stars. 'Ashtray logic' or whatever."

"A- Ashtray logic?" Clare asked.

"Yeah. The zodiac and shit, right? There's this one girl, you know her. Yeah, you know her. The one with the nose and those essential oils. Doesn't shut up about it."

"Do you mean astrology?"

"Okay, Clare. Didn't realize you were riding the hippie."

"Anyway," she said through gritted teeth. "I actually agree with Michelle. You and Charlene Kavanagh would be cute."

"See! Fuckin' matchmaker. We have to go to that party. Set you two up. You can return the favour some other time."