Clemmie Judges

TRUST YOUR READERS

"Uh, Clem," you might be wondering. "What is this?"

To that I say; stop questioning me! Also, this is a writing advice. Because I do that now.

Let's get on with it!

The sun sets, and the temperature lowers. I curse, then rub my hands to keep them warm, but it's no use.

My steps slow due to the cold, and soon, my teeth are clattering. "Should've brought my jacket," I say to myself, knowing it will help protect me from the chill.

The night is so cold I could've sworn misty clouds come out of my mouth every time I exhale. I stop rubbing my shaking hands to cross my arms, hoping it will keep me warm.

Do you notice anything wrong about this?

No?

Well, how about I fix it.

The sun sets, and the temperature lowers. I curse, then rub my hands, but it's no use.

My steps slow, and soon, my teeth are clattering. "Should've brought my jacket," I say to myself.

I could've sworn misty clouds come out of my mouth every time I exhale. I stop rubbing my shaking hands to cross my arms.

"But Clem," you might be saying. "That is way less descriptive!"

Except the "descriptions" I removed are all saying the same thing; it's freezing.

I've established that statement in the beginning (the temperature lowers), so I don't need to explain the character's actions in response to that statement.

Got it?

No?

Let me give you a shorter example, then.

"Yo, Mike!" Jared says. I turn around to look at him. His face twists into a sneer that turns his ugly face uglier. "Your mom sucks!"

Angry that he'd insult the woman who dedicated her whole life raising me, I stride up to him, then punch his face.

See what I mean?

"Ugh," you might be saying, "what's so wrong with adding a few 'obvious' things every once in a while?"

Because, like many adverbs and "fun" dialogue tags, it hinders you from being creative with your descriptions.

Check this out.

"Yo, Mike!" Jared says. I turn around to look at him. His face twists into a sneer, showing his yellowed teeth and that pathetic facial hair he calls a moustache. "Your mom sucks!"

My hands ball into fists. A muted growl vibrates in my throat. I stride up to him with heavy footsteps, then punch his face.

That's if you want to focus on your characters.

You can also do this.

"Yo, Mike!" Jared says. I turn around to look at him. His face twists into a sneer that turns his ugly face uglier, the lamp post's dim light bathing half of his side in sickly yellow. "Your mom sucks!"

The sentence rings out through the neighbourhood, drawing a few eyes. Above, the starless night sky rumbles as I stride up to him, then punch his face.

The first one focuses more on the characters, the second one on the setting. Both are more descriptive than the first one. And that can only happen because I refuse to write about why Mike did what he did, because it's obvious.

If you've established a statement beforehand—it's cold, someone insults your character's mom—you don't need to explain why your character is doing what they're doing.

"I'm... I'm breaking up with you, Chris," Jared says.

My eyes are wet and itching. I blink once, twice, too many times. "Oh." I say, not meeting his eyes. "I see."

I hate the way my voice cracks.

Do you know why Chris's eyes are wet and itching? Why he's not meeting Jared's eyes? Why his voice is cracking, and why he hates it?

Of course you do.

Your readers will know too.

So trust them.