Clemmie Judges

ACTION TO ENHANCE DIALOGUE

Hello, there! I'm not a pro writer by any means, but I do have a small writing tip; action can enhance dialogue.

This might sound obvious at first, but, upon editing my friend's work, I've discovered that not everyone knows exactly what this means.

Let me give you an example.

"Look, sweetheart, I know you want things to change, and I get that, I really do. But I just... I just can't. I'm sorry."

This dialogue already holds weight. Something that I've noticed people do to try and add to that weight is to do this.

"Look, sweetheart," I sighed, "I know you want things to change, and I get that, I really do. But I just... I just can't," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

Good, right?

Nope.

Instead of using "fun" dialogue tags (i.e., murmured, added, continued), why don't we try doing this instead?

I fiddled with the cup in my hand. "Look, sweetheart, I know you want things to change, and I get that, I really do." My grip on the cup tightened. "But I just... I just can't." I placed the cup on the table. "I'm sorry."

It's a small thing, really—adding a cup into the mix. But the cup is a narrative tool to enhance the character's sadness. Instead of telling the audience whether he was speaking at a normal volume or whispering, we're showing the audience the character's distress by his body language, and letting the audience interpret his volume the way they see fit.

Of course, this doesn't always work. It's perfectly alright to use dialogue tags such as whispered and sighed if you think it's best. And sometimes, it's actually better for the dialogue to speak for itself, especially in escalating arguments—no dialogue tags, no action, no nothing.

But still. Let me give you another example.

"Sorry?" she began. "Sorry? Is that all you have to say to me?" She gritted her teeth and yelled, "Six years, Josh! Six years we've been together! Six years I've been waiting, hoping! Six years and you..." Her voice lowered into a whisper. "You're giving up on us, just like that?" Her voice cracked. "You're giving up on me?"

Not gonna lie, I actually like that. But let's do more or less the same thing, but by showing instead of telling.

"Sorry?" She scoffed. "Sorry? Is that all you have to say to me?" She walked up to me, and pushed my chest. I stumbled back, less from the force and more from the shock. "Six years, Josh! Six years we've been together! Six years I've been waiting, hoping! Six years and you..." Her shoulders slumped. Her lower lip trembled. "You're giving up on us, just like that?" Her tear-filled eyes searched my own. "You're giving up on me?"

Again; you don't always have to do this. Personally, I prefer her voice cracked over her tear-filled eyes searched my own—or maybe I should've combined those sentences to double the impact. But hopefully, you get what I mean.

Try not to overuse "fun" dialogue tags—save them for when they really matter. And use body language to show feelings.

(A small exercise you could do—one that helped me tremendously—is to write a story only using said as a dialogue tag.)

Hope this helps!