Miracles - A Christmas Story

Chapter 1

Los Angeles, December 1999

"Hey, lady, watch it!"

Was that woman for real? She runs into me and I'm supposed to watch it? What the fuck?

"Yeah, I'll make sure to not be in your way when you blindly run people down next time."

Did the bitch just give me the finger? My first instinct was to break a candy cane off one of the decorations, run after her, and shove it up her un-christmassy ass. So much for the spirit of the Holidays. On second thought, my luck, one of the Santas or elves freelanced for the tabloids, and the usually deranged image of myself, no doubt with a photoshopped Elf hat or set of antlers, would compel my mother to call me way too early tomorrow:

"Lisa Marie- please tell me you did not assault some poor lady with a a set of reindeer antlers at the Grove yesterday."

No doubt, the news story would allow for the usual 'journalistic' creativity. Candy cane - antlers...who keeps track of such minor details when the daughter of the King of Rock 'n Roll was acting the fool once again. Crazy on display. Gather round and bring some eggnog. And so short on the heel of the morning surprise as someone had already leaked my engagement.

"Princess of Graceland to go for the third time charm with another unknown face after her short marriage to the King of Pop not very surprisingly imploded."

Well, it had surprised the shit out of me. But whatever.

Now, after I just made Mom's Christmas, it would be such a pity if once again I'd have to assure my poor, perpetually disappointed mother that her daughter indeed was a lunatic on the loose. And right when she was so damn happy about the wonderful news. John had insisted we call her right away after he popped the question. And I popped my own mind by actually accepting. Stunning me more than him. Hey, I really didn't know what else to say. He looked so cute. And hopeful. I was devoid of hope. Or cuteness. These days, I was a permanent vessel for sarcasm and bitterness.

But yes, Mommy was delirious. Much happier than last time around.

Well, to be truthful last time around she wasn't exactly given an opportunity to shop for engagement presents. Or wedding presents. Even though Michael had suggested we could register after the fact if it would make her feel better. Yes, I'm sure being able to send us a toaster or crystal vase would have made up perfectly for the helicopters flying over her house announcing the beginning of her worst nightmare. The beginning of my Armageddon.

Predictably, pain raced through me as soon as his name registered. Would it ever end? Phantom pain. The actual organ was long gone. Some muscle pumping blood through my body was all that was left of my heart. Much safer that way. Wasn't rebirth just grand?

"Ma'am? Do you need help?"

The sweet voice jarred me back to reality. A small boy handed me one of the bags I had dropped. Shit. I hadn't even noticed. Thoughts of the past did that to me. Turned me into a goddamn zombie. Eating myself alive. Zombie with a self-destructive twist. Which was why I usually moved heaven and earth to avoid looking back.

I cleared my throat and managed a smile. Sure hope I wouldn't scare the poor kid too much.

"Thank you so much. That was very kind of you."