My Brain and Other Things I Don't Understand

Ten

Alex

"I can't believe this."

I can't believe it either.

"Cassidy, it's okay," I said, in attempt to calm her down as she threw her dozens of pillows off her bed in rage.

After her brother outed her, Cassidy nearly shoved her brother to the floor if it weren't for me blocking her. Of course, she was still mad, so she yanked me towards her room and locked her door.

Here we are now, in her pastel purple room, with Cassidy throwing stuff around. As much as it surprised me that she has or had a girlfriend, I couldn't care less. This was Cassidy, and there is nothing in the world that would make me think she, or any part of her, was bad.

"No, Alex. It is not fucking okay, okay? I have just been outed by my IDIOT BROTHER. That is CLEARLY NOT OKAY." she said, her eyes glossy, almost as if she was trying to stop herself from crying. I felt a small ache in my chest, and I walked up to where she was standing, still throwing around her pillows, sometimes beating them up.

"Cassidy--"

She was breathing hard now, and as if there was some sort of invisible force that pushed me to do it, I slowly pulled her into a gentle hug. Cassidy almost immediately her arms around me, and slowly, she calmed down, her head on my shoulder as we stood right by her nearly empty twin bed.

"What if he slips again and tells our parents? I haven't told them that I'm--"

"Lesbian?"

I didn't know why I assumed she was lesbian.

She could be anything, with all the different types of gender orientations emerging here and there. I once took a gender and sexuality course out of boredom one summer, and learned so many things about it, and almost immediately, I knew assuming one's gender isn't exactly a good thing.

I didn't know why I did that.

Cassidy was quiet. I felt guilty for quickly putting a label on her, that I sat her down on her bed slowly so she could somehow feel a bit better. I've also done my research on EDS, on what she has. People like Cassidy easily get tired, and I had a hunch that standing while throwing and punching pillows was gonna be exhausting for her. Even watching her do it was exhausting for me.

Cassidy kept close to me as we sat on the edge of her bed. Her auburn head was still on my shoulder, and she had an arm around my waist, her fingers clutching the hem of my shirt tightly.

"Alex, I'm a panromantic demisexual. You could simply label me as pan. I have always known I was pan, and just, don't think much of it, okay?" Cassidy muttered softly.

There was a vulnerability in her voice. A suddenly open gate into her world. Cassidy was letting me into it.

Cassidy sighed, and I hesitated a bit as I slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulder and massaged it in little circles. My mom used to do this to me whenever I was upset about something when I was a kid. Maybe it would do Cassidy the same good it brought me whenever someone massages my shoulder.

"There's nothing wrong with loving people. That's the beauty of it." I whispered.

Pansexuality entails loving anyone from any gender. It simply means loving anyone without thinking of labels, and I think it's just beautiful. It's nice to know that there are people out there who truly do not think of gender and sex as things to consider when on the lookout for someone. They see people as who they are, not as what they are labeled as.

Being demisexual is not a bad thing too. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know there is a stereotype going around that teens these days are sex-crazy and would just go down with anyone they find attractive, but the thing is, attraction may usually be physical, but it does not mean that it happens to be the case for everyone. Demis can be anyone from any gender orientation, but they don't become all crazy about someone if there isn't an emotional bond or relationship formed between them.