"Dammit, Sherlock!"

"Why are you standing on the table?"

And the award for the most random chapter goes to....

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"Sherlock, why are you standing on the table?"

"Quickly John! Tuck the ends of the trouser legs into your socks!"

"What why?"

"There's a scorpion loose in the flat."

"WHAT?!"

"Hurry, John!"

"Why the hell is there a scorpion in the flat?!"

"I was analysing how its venom effected human blood and it escaped its cage."

"Oh my God, Sherlock!"

"Do what I said and get up here!"

"Okay, fine!"

"..."

"..."

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"Hm?"

"The scorpion, Sherlock! What are we going to do about it?"

"I don't know I've never been in this position before."

"Where did you even get a scorpion from anyway?"

"You can get anything from the pet shops nowadays."

"You got it from a pet shop?!"

"Yes, though unfortunately it was quite expensive."

"And the owner was just happy enough to let you buy a venomous scorpion?"

"Once I showed them a wad cash they only too kindly agreed to let me have Spike."

"...Spike?"

"Yes."

"You named the Scorpion Spike?"

"No, the owner did. Apparently they have an unhealthy obsession with a TV show called, oh what was it?"

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

"Yes, that was it! How did you know that? Don't tell me that you watch it."

"Harry used to watch it all the time."

"Ah."

"..."

"..."

"Look, we can't spend the rest of our lives up on this table."

"I quite agree."

"We need to do something!"

"Again, I quite agree."

"Sherlock!"

"What, John?"

"Wait, can't you just phone up the pet shop and ask them how to deal with this?"

"I don't have their number."

"Dammit."

"How about I phone Lestrade?"

"Sherlock, last time you phoned Lestrade about a little problem like this he called the whole police force over."

"And you consider this a 'little problem'?"

"...Touché."

"I'll send him a text now. He'll be over soon."

"I doubt that."

"Why?"

"Sherlock, I doubt he'll believe that there is a scorpion named Spike loose in our flat."

"Why not?"

"...Actually with you involved it sounds relatively normal."

"Should I be insulted?"

"Just send the damn text."

~ 15 minutes later ~

*beep*

"Ah, Lestrade has replied."

"Finally."

"He said that he's going to be delayed."

"What why?"

"They've had to get Anderson checked over by a doctor."

"Oh my God, is he alright?"

"He heard about our situation and laughed until he got asphyxiation."

"..."

"..."

"What a git."

"Indeed."