Benevolence [H.S.]

Chapter Ten.

**Hello wonderful people! It's been awhile. This is part 1 of a double update :)

August, 1963

Benny

Cool autumn air had taken its first steps in our direction. I could feel it in my bones, the way my hair pushed static every which way as I ran the comb through it.

I heard it in the way mama groaned when she sat down to eat, and in the clang of pie tins she set out on the counter.

The changing season had once again brought transition to our door.

I'd had the plan for about a week now to head down the coast and see what I could find for work outside city limits. Eureka just wasn't what I'd been hoping for, and while it was a major disappointment, I wasn't completely at a loss yet.

My hope-well still had a few drams left, it seemed. Today would make or break that drought.

Yesterday's spat with Allie still had me on edge. I tried to push the lingering anxiety out of mind while I sipped my coffee, but the shadow remained nonetheless. An argument between friends wasn't the end of the world, of course, but I just didn't have the brain power to decide whether our differences in opinion were too hulking to overcome yet. I wanted desperately to believe it wasn't that much of an issue, but my gut told me there was more under the surface that I may have overlooked for the sake of defeating loneliness.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

Sometimes I feel as though my mind is on a constant cycle of determination, anger, defeat, repeat. I don't like feeling so...so...pessimistic all the time. I try to recall what life was like, how my mind spoke to me and how I felt in my own body before everything happened. But often it feels like chipping away concrete with a popsicle stick.

For now, I had to focus on what was within my control.

"Indelible, boisterous, culling."

I scribbled the words on a scrap of paper and tucked it into my pocket.

The news this morning had been especially boring, but Dr. King was expected to speak at a rally in Washington tomorrow, something I was keen to discuss with the local news folks in the next town over today.

If I could get in early enough, maybe they'd let me write an opinion piece, even just a little hundred-word column would be a huge win.

Not only that, but if I was about to lose my only friend around here, I may as well start trying to connect with likeminded people who were at least in the same state.

I made a mental note to ask their thoughts on the Feminine Mystique while I was at it, too.

I dumped the last dregs of coffee down the sink, leaning to grab the car keys when mom burst through the front door with more vigor than I'd seen the entire time I'd been home.

"It's here! It's here!" She didnt even bother shutting the door behind her and rushed right into the kitchen to shove a stack of mail in my hands, "Oh thank God it's finally here."

She opened the envelope with swollen hands while I stood by with the junk mail, waiting for the big reveal.

I knew it had to be Duncan, there was no one else left in her life to be so excited about. And that saddened me just as much as joy and relief flooded my heart.

"Look, here" she pointed to a red stamp and a bunch of symbols on the back, "this was just last week."

"Jesus forget the envelope mama just open it already!"