Love Mortality (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part 7: My Life (Costers)

Premature passings were always some of the most painful. He was in Denmark, helping the soul of a stillborn child. Seeing the tears stream down its parents' faces as they said goodbye was the most heartwrenching part. It was always difficult to watch loved ones begin the process of grieving, but when they never even got a chance to know their loved one before they passed, it made Kai that much more aware of the pain that is mortality. 

The passing was successful nonetheless, and Kai took extra care of this soul to make sure it arrived at The Gates safely. Jonghyun thanked him, as always, and then Kai decided to take a small rest. These were the times when Angels of Death typically went down to Earth for their three-day vacations, after tragic passings. But Kai hadn't been down there in at least two months angel time, which meant it was even longer in human time. He knew it would be too much for him to handle. He knew the memories would only contribute to the pain he was already feeling. 

Kyungsoo put no exact measurement on it, he just said he needed some time. Kai understood and didn't bother putting up a fight; arguing with him about the validity of his existence didn't seem like an appropriate thing to do in the hospital. 

The doctor said he likely passed out from stress and exhaustion, but they kept him overnight just to monitor and give him fluids. To say he didn't feel partially responsible would be a lie. For the first week or so, Kai kept thinking he should have kept the truth from him a little longer until he could make a final decision on if he was going to give up his immortality or not. Explaining away why he suddenly "quit his job" would have been a lot easier than trying to convince a human that angels actually existed. 

After a while, however, he came to believe that being honest was the smartest action he could have taken, for both his and Kyungsoo's sake. The truth was out now, and whether or not Kyungsoo chose to believe it was no longer his problem. And if he did choose to believe him, they could start over on a blank canvas. Either way, Kai had to accept whatever the outcome may be. After all, he was only an angel and even angels were at the hands of fate sometimes. 

Amongst all the uncertainty, though, one thing couldn't be denied, Xiumin was ecstatic that Kai chose acceptance over fighting for something he believed it was impossible to have faith in. It's not that he wasn't sympathetic in the beginning, but in time, it was clear for the younger angel to see the little hop in the elder's step knowing he didn't have to lose another angel to the concept he so despised. 

"It was for the best," he would say. "You made the right decision. It may hurt right now, but eventually, you'll see this was the best thing you could have done for yourself."

Kai didn't think he'd personally go as far as to say leaving behind the man he loved so dearly was the best thing he ever did; if there was any glimmer of hope for their relationship, he was holding onto it with fists squeezed so tightly even the strongest being in existence couldn't remove his hands. As usual, he found himself in a neutral position. He realized he had to accept what was and that he had no control over what will be, but he could hope and he could pray that Kyungsoo was missing him just as much, that he too was still holding onto whatever remained of the brief love they shared. 

If he was being completely truthful, that hope was really the only thing that was keeping him going. 

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How long had it been since he last had a calling in Korea? A week? Perhaps it was less than that. Maybe it was just Kai trying so hard to suppress his urge to visit Kyungsoo that he lost track of time. That was probably it. 

Moonkyu offered to trade with him, but the angel kindly turned him down. He had a duty to fulfill and his personal issues had nothing to do with the passing of a soul. As confused and sad as he was, Kai believed he had no right to let anything affect the peaceful passing of a soul. It was only the sole reason he existed after all.