Love Mortality (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Part 8: Special (Appeal)

Very quickly, they fell back into their routine. Though the time they got to spend together didn't increase, Kai realized just how much he cherished those three precious days they got to be in each other's company uninterrupted. He felt whole and complete again, like he could finally let go of the breath he had been holding onto. 

Yet, the angel could still feel the grip of choice around his neck. Deciding between certainty and uncertainty wasn't simple, but it was necessary. Kai didn't want to make Kyungsoo keep waiting for him to return to Earth, but he didn't know if he was ready to risk the comfort of his world, the only world he's ever fully known, for something as uncertain as love. Would Kyungsoo be worth the risk? In the moments they were together, he felt the answer was yes. The moment he had to return to his duties, however, his sense of reassurance became blurred. 

He wished there was a way to know for sure. Such was the mortal experience, though, and he knew that all too well. Humans tended to walk around as if they knew their fates, as if the reality of their existence wasn't that they could die at any moment. Maybe that was the appeal, the angel often thought. Maybe that was why some angels choose to surrender their immortality for mortal lives. After all, having constant certainty about one's existence wasn't always exciting. With risk came excitement, the excitement of the unknown. But with that excitement also came danger. That was the human condition, and Kai didn't know if he was ready.

Still, he kept his visits regular. Even when he couldn't stay, he always stopped by the apartment or the coffee shop to visit his Kyungsoo. He would flash him a brilliant smile each time, a smile that would make him feel the risk and the danger was worth it. It amazed him even thinking about how much love he held for that man. He loved him so incredibly much, so terrifyingly much. He loved Kyungsoo so much that when his time to pass came, Kai was afraid he'd stop believing in an Afterlife. Any existence without the life and smile of Do Kyungsoo was excruciating to even ponder.

Kai loved him so much and wondered what deed he did to deserve to be loved back by him. Even as Kyungsoo laid there in his arms, even as he took in a whiff of his warm and gentle scent with each inhale, even as he dragged his finger down his naked arm, the angel couldn't believe how fortunate he was, how blessed he was. If deities did exist, surely, they looked upon him favorably.

"Are you used to it yet?" Kyungsoo asked him, his soothingly deep voice lifting Kai out of his thoughts. He tilted his down and saw that the man was gazing up at him. "The first time we made love, you said it was weird. Is it still weird?"

The angel chuckled. "Slightly, but it's becoming more familiar," he answered, causing a faint grin to grow on Kyungsoo's face. "I've heard of it and even seen it believe it or not, but it's still strange to be experiencing it. It makes me feel...makes me feel...overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?" Kyungsoo questioned with knitted brows. He scoffed. "Interesting word choice."

"Not in the negative sense, just like...my heart, my whole body feels so full of emotions that I could explode at any moment," the angel explained, hoping his words came out in a sensical manner. He smiled and used his other hand to gently slide Kyungsoo's hand over his heart. The man's eyebrows began to rise slowly, a hint of confusion coming over his face. "This is how I feel whenever I'm with you or see you or even think of you. You make me feel overwhelmed in all of the best possible ways."

Kyungsoo's eyes became glossy as he huffed. "Now that I think about it, there's no way you could be human," he said, leaving his hand over Kai's rapidly beating heart. "Men like you only exist in TV shows." Kai just laughed. A perfect silence fell over the bedroom for a few moments. "So, are all angels like you? This beautiful and perfect and charming?"

"Believe me, us angels are just as complicated as you humans, probably even more so," Kai replied with another soft laugh. "If you're asking if we all look similar, the answer is no. Only the ones who have the closest relationships to Earth have human forms. The highest classes of angels would most likely give you nightmares, though, they are considered to be our true forms."