ONESHOTS OR SOMETHING. misc

twice by rio romeo

Chan had fallen in love twice with one girl. All he wanted was for her to fall twice, too, even if it'd scrape her knees and scar badly; but she never did. She never fell for the second time.

So he wrote a song. That was the only thing he could do, wasn't it? He was so charismatic and nonchalant, pulling any old girl was boring to him, yet somehow he couldn't get the girl he wanted one more time. It was only one more time. One more time. But he couldn't.

One was such a small, insignificant number. One more time was all he needed. He figured his shit out. He got better. He started talking to his family again. He stopped being such a pragmatic piece of ass. So why couldn't she fall another time? It was only one more time. She already fell once. It wasn't as if one more would hurt.

His hands fluttered over the crappy keyboard in the cramped practice room he tolerated many times a day, the throbbing in his heart failing to subside, threatening to tremor. He wasn't too worried about the chords sounding basic. All he wanted to get across at that moment was how desperate he was.

It was like he was saying, pleading, begging, aching, ‘please fall in love with me again, Cheonsa, you can't leave me in the dust like this, we already went through it once,’ and the lack of weighted variation of the keys made it sound shallow. But it wasn't shallow at all. He was so desperate.

He wanted her back. He wanted her warmth. He wanted to feel her fingers tangled between his curly bleached hair even though it was always sort of frizzy and damaged.

At this point, he knew it wasn't happening. So he changed the lyrics. ‘When you fall in love twice with me’ turned into ‘If you fall in love twice with me’ and then ‘Please fall in love twice with me’ and soon the line was nothing at all. He played the chords. He made up some kind of melody with his right hand. But she never made a special appearance.

She normally did something like that. Whenever she wanted to see someone, they appeared in front of her. Couldn't it happen at that moment? Or maybe she just didn't want to see him. Maybe she moved on. Maybe she found another guy. Maybe she was busy dating someone else. Maybe she just didn't want to date at all.

It didn't really matter who she was dating. Chan knew he was better than them: even if it was the angel Hwang Hyunjin, who stole all hearts with no exceptions; even if it was the stone cold smartass Kim Seungmin who somehow always had his earphones in, and if you got close enough, all you could hear would be sad ballads; even if it was Yang Jeongin, a cutie inside and out, someone whose braces always shone through his lips; even if it was Lee Minho, academically lacking yet switching partners left and right with his nerving charms; even if it was Seo Changbin, that guy that always got teased by his friends for his misleading appearance; even if it was Lee Felix, the conventional gamerboy with dark circles beneath his eyes at all times, god, if it was any of those boys, Chan was sure he beat them all in every category by a landslide.

Maybe Chan didn't actually love Cheonsa again. Maybe he just wanted to feel what she gave him. Maybe he wanted to feel the sweet, exciting nerves like when they were just friends. Maybe he really felt like he didn't really wanna change a thing from back then, when they had only fallen once, even if he was able to.

No. He wondered if Cheonsa ever thought about falling in love twice with him, starting brand new like children kissing in a tree, and whether she would, or could, or wanted to, or even liked the thought of it for a second.

Could he really fall in love twice with her? Maybe he did it every day so it wasn't anything new at that point. He swore it was nothing new. Maybe he fell harder every day. It was fucking crazy. They never had cheesy nicknames, but all he wanted to do was call her his baby, or his sweetheart again, or something weird like babygirl unironically.

He wished he could feel her skin against his. It was almost as if they were going through long distance with how little he saw her up close. The only times he really got a grasp of her face and every pore and every acne scar was when people were bunched up tightly in corridors like particles of a solid. He could smell her perfume for a second. He savoured that momentary craving being satisfied.

If he could snap his fingers and be wherever she was, wherever she went to hang out during frees, he would be there the millisecond after the tension of his fingers released. God, he would do anything to even hear her voice again. He didn't have any classes with her. They couldn't ever be children shyly kissing in a tree ever again. Would they? Could they?

No, he knew all too well he could fall in love however many times he could with her, whether it be twice or thrice or quadruple times. Twice was easy. He did it every day. It was nothing new, however equally crazy. Sometimes he wanted to imagine them laying together, loving together twice, calling her a cheesy nickname like darling or princess. Maybe he craved that sweet first love again, and craved for it to actually go well.

Chan, Bang Chan, Bang Christopher Chan, felt like a pile of rocks. Like the rocks in the plants around school. The rocks the school dumped around to create some pretty contrast between the soil and the plant and all its dull greens and browns and blacks and purples.

He thought about when she used to stay over at his a lot and accidentally left some socks at his place. They'd always be the really funny looking ones, too, like bright yellow with lemons on them, or with simple French fries plastered on top equally spaced.

Loving her twice was his daydream. But really, all he could do was hope that was what she wanted too. What about her? It wasn't as if he could ask. Yeah. If she could fall in love twice with him, and start brand new like they were kissing in a tree, would she? Could she? Would she choose to? Would she even think about it? Does he even take up a solid chunk of her thoughts like she did in his own?

Too many times to count. He fell in love so damn hard. The feeling was so weird each and every time, like whenever he thought about her during class, or looked at models and thought about how she was just so much prettier, and then thought about her face, and being close to that face, and thinking about loving that face, that pretty personality, loving that pair of eyes — god, it was bliss.

It was crazy. But if only he could call her baby, maybe one more time. Just to make it twice.