Kings and Masters

Chapter 7

Sometime in the night, Kili was awakened to moans and whimpers and gasps. "Kili..." Kili woke up and sat up, glancing around the room, at first forgetting where he was. "Kili..." the voice came again, desperately.

Kili glanced to his side to see his brother squirming about in the dark, whimpering. He winced as he rolled onto his side and grasped Fili's hand, placing his other hand on his brother's chest, trying to calm him, "Fili, what is it?" he asked with concern.

"I can't move!" Fili gasped, his chest rising and contracting in panic. "Kili help! I can't move! I can't walk! Something's holding me down; I can't feel anything!"

Kili swallowed as he watched his brother's panic build-up, his breathing became labored, as his head moved back and forth as he desperately tried to get his legs to cooperate. Kili felt as if his heart had suddenly been shattered as he just lay there, holding Fili. He didn't know what to do, so he scooted closer and pulled his brother into his arms, and held on to the blonde dwarf's trembling body, as tight as he could, careful not to aggravate his injuries. Or his own.

"Shh..." he said, rubbing Fili's back. "It's okay; it's okay..." as reality began to set in, Fili descended into sobs, his body trembling as he buried his face against Kili.

Kili felt like the big brother now. He couldn't bear to see Fili suffer like this.

"I am no dwarf..." Fili sobbed, his voice muffled a bit. "I can't live this way."

"It's only temporary," Kili assured him, though he knew that was far from certain at this point. But he felt it was important for Fili to keep his hopes up. "You'll heal. Back breaks take a long time to heal, but you'll see, you'll be on your feet again in no time."

"Are you sure?" Fili gasped, his breath hitched in his throat.

"Yes, Oin told me that once it heals, you'll be able to walk again," Kili repeated. "I heard him say it with my own ears. So relax, everything's going to be okay, and I'm going to take care of you."

Fili sniffed and gazed up, eyes shining in the moonlight coming in through the window, "you will?" Fili asked, hopefully. "You promise?"

"Of course I will," Kili assured him. "You're my brother; I love you."

Fili seemed a bit more assured at that, and he fell silent, breath still hitching a bit. Kili waited until he was sure his brother had gone back to sleep before he rolled back into his own bed, staring up at the ceiling. He felt warm tears slide down his own face as he lay there, in the stillness of the night, hoping and pleading to Mahal that Fili would indeed get better.

It was a very long night from there. Fili woke up a few times, and every time he discovered he was paralyzed, he panicked. Kili stayed beside him all night, holding him and reassuring him.

The whole thing was emotionally trying. Kili had never seen his brother so broken and so frightened.

The next morning, Kili's eyes burned from lack of sleep. He sat up quickly when Thorin came into the room to check on them, rubbing his eyes, "Uncle..." he said, his voice shaking from fatigue and emotion.

"Kili, haven't you slept?" Thorin asked, looking concerned as he came over to his nephew's bedside. Kili only responded by bursting into tears. Thorin quickly came forward and pulled his distraught young nephew into his arms, letting him cry against him.

"It's alright, Lad. It's going to be alright," Thorin said softly, but Kili just shook his head,

"No, it's not," Kili lamented. He told Thorin about the rough night Fili had had. "He's so scared," Kili sobbed, "Uncle, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Thorin said honestly. "He's suffering, Kili and not just from his injuries. It's the war."

Kili swallowed as his thoughts turned towards the battle he had endured. He felt the fear rush back into him as he remembered fighting for his life. He had seen death on a massive scale; he'd seen dwarves and elves and men die before the gates of Erebor.

And the one thing that had plagued him and haunted his dreams was seeing his brother's broken body drop in front of him. He had heard Azog from up above him, and he heard Fili cry out in pain and shout his final words to Thorin. But all he could do was watch. And now, as he dwelled on that scene, he began to feel guilty. Why had he just stood there while Azog hurt his brother? Why hadn't he done everything he could to get to him? Maybe he could have prevented this.

"I'm not cut out to be a warrior," he lamented. "Or a brother..."

"No, Kili, you can't start thinking that," Thorin said, rubbing his nephew's back soothingly as Kili clung to his uncle like a small frightened child. "You two were not fully prepared for the horrors of war. It was your first battle, and you are both young. This... I am to blame for this."

Kili gazed up at Thorin, trying not to allow the tears forming in his eyes to spill. Thorin met his eyes, and Kili could see the immense guilt and sorrow and weariness in those eyes.

"I shouldn't have taken you two with me," he said. "You were far too young to endure this. I was selfish for wanting you by my side, and I nearly lost you both."

"No, Uncle..." Kili protested, but Thorin held up a hand before continuing.

"And I owe you an apology. Not only for bringing you here and exposing you to battle before your time, but also for ... for my actions."

Kili cringed at the reminder of Thorin's dragon sickness. It was heart-wrenching to see his uncle- his hero- descend further into the darkness of his own mind. He remembered the pain he felt at being left behind in Lake-town. It still hurt. And he was still shaken and afraid of the whole ordeal.

"It... it won't happen again, will it?" he asked fearfully. "You're better now, right?"

At that, Thorin only held his nephew tighter, "I swear on my life, I'll never let that cursed gold come between us again," he promised. "You two should have come first from the beginning."

There was a long pause as Kili dwelled on the promise Thorin was making. He still felt emotionally vulnerable about the whole ordeal, but Thorin was still his hero. He was upset at discovering his uncle wasn't as perfect as he had previously believed. That was the hardest thing about this whole quest. He had seen a part of Thorin that wasn't his uncle; it was as if a demon had taken over his body.

"I forgive you, Uncle," Kili said, let out a breath, and Kili felt his uncle's body relax a bit at his words. The two held each other for a while longer, and Kili couldn't keep the tears spilling from his eyes this time. He choked on a sob, and Thorin only held him tighter, rubbing his back and assuring him.

Kili was still plagued with the horrors of battle, even if he felt safe with Thorin there with him. He wondered then if he could ever recover from it all. He felt changed forever from the young dwarf he was at the start of this journey.