Kings and Masters

Chapter 9

Trigger warning: attempted suicide and asthma attack

Fili lay in bed feeling as though he had come to the very depth of despair. He lay there, alone. He was alone because he had snapped at everyone and demanded they leave. He regretted that, but he meant every word. He felt angry, sad, and afraid all at once.

Crippled... that word kept repeating in his mind, over and over. He was crippled. Who'd ever accept a crippled dwarf? much less a crippled prince... a crippled future king? His life as a dwarf was over. He'd never ride a pony again, never wield a blade, never fight in battle... battle Fili swallowed at that word too. Memories of it still haunted him. The screams, the blood, the fear... he'd never imagine his first battle would have been like this.

Just then, he heard the door creak open and he squeezed his eyes shut, immediately feeling hostile, "I want to be left alone," he muttered, keeping his eyes closed.

Regardless of his request, he heard the soft tap of shoes upon the wooden floor as someone neared his bedside. He sighed, "Kili..." he said, thinking his stubborn brother was going to ignore his request. He opened his eyes and was surprised when he saw one of the servant girls instead of his brother.

"Do you really wish to be left alone, Milord?" Brenna asked as she set a basin of water down on the small table beside his bed.

"Yes..." Fili said, laying back against his pillows. "What are you here for?"

"Master Oin wanted me to change your bandages," she said as she crossed the room to open one of the dressers and pull out a few piles of cloth bandages. "I'd rather be elsewhere too but servants must obey their masters."

"I don't need them changed right now," Fili murmured, staring up at the ceiling. "I'd really prefer to be alone right now."

"Oh do you propose to do it yourself?" Brenna retorted as she brought the bandages over and set them down beside the water basin. "It would be quite a task, I'd imagine."

Fili arched his brow, startled at the gnome's boldness, "Look, I said I want to be alone and I meant it," he said, feeling annoyed.

"And what will they say when I allow your wounds to become infected?" Brenna asked calmly as she scooped him up under his shoulders and piled pillows under him so he could sit up. "Shall I say I left you because you wished to lie here and feel sorry for yourself?"

Fili looked at her incredulously, "You should learn when to hold your bold tongue," he growled. "You know nothing of my situation."

She pulled his blankets aside and Fili winced when he was forced to look upon his own broken body. He wore only his trousers which had had the leg sleeves removed so Oin could gain access to his broken leg which was still in a splint. He wore a cloth back brace around his lower torso and a bandage covering the wound he'd received after Azog had stabbed him. His body still bore scars though the bruises had all healed by now.

"I know that you have been with us for a number of weeks now and you have not moved from this bed," Brenna scolded as she unwrapped the bandage on his torso, revealing a mostly healed stab wound.

Fili looked at the gnome again, "Perhaps you haven't heard that I'm crippled," he informed her a matter of factly.

"Oh I've heard," Brenna said, rolling her eyes a bit. "Crippled but not dead. Will you remain here in this bed until you've rotted away?"

Fili looked away, feeling angry, yet ashamed. What right did this gnome have to say these things to him? He was a prince after all and she was only a servant. He'd just fought in a battle and what had she done? What did she know of hardships?