Criminal Minds Groupchat

4.

a_hot_nerd is online

Hotchner: I'm currently locked out of my house, and one of you whores stole my spare house key from my desk. Who has it?

door.slam420 is online

pasta.boy is online

cheet0z is online

s_reid64 is online

Morgan : maybe an FBI agent should know better than to leave his house key where one of his coworkers could steal it :D

Hotchner: damnit, Morgan, where is it?

Morgan: hold up, I didn't say I took it, I just said that it would be totally easy to steal if I wanted to.

Hotchner: fine. Rossi?

Rossi: wasn't me, chief.

prentits69 is online

Prentiss: oh, heehee

Hotchner: Emily, what did you do with it?

Prentiss: well after work one day JJ and I wanted to make cookies but the store is 20 minutes from headquarters and your house was only 10 minutes away and I know you keep a spare key in your desk so we broke in and stole 3 cups of flour because I don't have any at my house

Hotchner: lack of punctuation aside, that was completely unnecessary. You could've just asked me.

Prentiss: yeah but idk breaking in was more fun

Prentiss: also I licked the rim of your coffee mug

Hotchner: can I just have my key back, please?

Prentiss: I don't have it anymore it's under your doormat

Hotchner: great, thanks.

a_hot_nerd is offline

Morgan: can we backpedal to the fact that Hotch called us whores

Prentiss: yeah omg we can call ourselves Hotchner's whores

Prentiss: wait nvm that sounds bad

door.slam420 changed the chat name to "whoreeez 🥵"

JJ: bruh

Prentiss: I'm ignoring that let's move on

Rossi: oh, I've been meaning to ask you if any of you guys know a good gym around here, I've been making a lot of food lately DILF

Prentiss: ASHSHDHSB LMAO WHAT WHY DID YOU PUT DILF

Rossi: Morgan told me it meant "damn, I look fat"?

Prentiss: PLEASE ILY DEREK

JJ: it means "dad I'd like to fuck"

Rossi: currently chucking my phone into a river

Morgan: 😇

Rossi: I hate you

Rossi: I'm just glad Hotch isn't here to see this

JJ: why bc you think he's a dilf?

Rossi: goodbye

pasta.boy is offline

Prentiss: well he never answered the question

princessxsunshine is online

Garcia: hi friends, how are you this fine morning?

JJ: well Rossi's obviously not doing too great

Garcia: boo hoo he can cry about it in his mansion

Morgan: speaking of which can we all go to Rossi's and get hammered tonight

JJ: hell yeah if he'll let us

Prentiss: I'll call him

Prentiss: ok good news we can come over tonight

JJ: damn what did you say to him to let us do that

Prentiss: I said let us get wasted at your place tonight you dumb whore or I'll beat your ass

Garcia: and that worked?

Morgan: hey, pretty boy's been weirdly quiet, what's up Spence, you coming?

Reid: no thanks

JJ: why not

Reid: I don't really want to.

Morgan: boy, I know you don't have anything better to do

JJ: pleaseeeee Spencer

Reid: fine, but I don't want to drink anything.

Morgan: you don't have to.

Prentiss: why don't you want to drink Spencer

Reid: no reason.

Prentiss: he's hiding something from us and he's afraid that if he gets drunk he'll let it slip

JJ: purrrr Em you're so smart

Derek: what is it Spencer?

Reid: it's nothing, I swear.

Garcia: you're fucking lyinggggg

Morgan: yeah, out with it

Reid: no

JJ: it's ok we're your friends

Reid: it's not that big of a deal.

Prentiss: ok then tell us bitch

Morgan: yeah prettyboy, spill

Reid: fine, since you all won't stop pestering me I recently found out that I'm bi but I didn't want anyone to know but whatever.

Prentiss: ...

Derek: Reid...

JJ: that's been known, baby boy

Reid: huh?

Prentiss: lmaoooo we all knew before he did

JJ: and anyways, it's totally fine, like Em is a lesbian and I'm bi too like you don't need to worry about it

Reid: how did you guys know??

JJ: didn't you literally have a boyfriend?

Reid: no???

Prentiss: whoops we all thought that guy you started hanging out with about a year ago was your boyfriend ajajshdhdh

Reid: oh ok

Reid: well, see you all tonight at Rossi's.

Prentiss: see you

JJ: bye

prentits69 is offline

door.slam420 is offline

cheet0z is offline

princessxsunshine is offline

s_reid64 is offline

heeeeyy sorry i haven't updated this in forever i actually forgot it existed there for a hot sec lmaooo

anyways sorry it ended so abruptly and was all over the place i had to end it bc i realized it was getting kinda long and i had no real plan in mind when writing it so i offer you this monstrosity of a chapter

i promise i'm gonna update more frequently!!