Thinking, Thinking About Her

Part title

I've thought about the times she's made me laugh, smile. How often she's made me happy. I think about it everyday. Well...I used to

I try not to think about any of that. If I start thinking again, I'll start feeling again. I wish I could stop thinking. I often found the only time I could escape those thoughts, or at least forget about them, was when I slept.

Thinking only makes things harder. It's the reason why I kept going back and forth - on and off - liking her. I fear I may not be over her like I thought...

No. I don't like her. Not in that way. Not anymore. I can't. I convinced myself that I would like her. That I would fall for her; and I did. I let myself fall. However, there's still so, so much to genuinely like about her. To make a person want to fall. Though perhaps I should not have let myself. No, it wasn't my place. Perhaps I should have stayed away completely...but I'm glad I didn't.

She is an amazing friend. I'm lost for words that could truly explain how great she is being a friend. Sometimes, I just wish I never had those feelings for her.

Those butterflies that fluttered all around me. That feverish feeling whenever she made me blush. The electrifying desire and determination to be with her, to be hers and her to be mine. Though most of all, whether or not I like her, I wish I never had this feeling of not belonging with her in any way at all.