When I Need You The Most

How could I?

( At school)

Wooyoung's POV

We got to school about 15 minutes before the bell rang." WOOYOUNG-AH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN " Yeosang shouted , running towards me from across the parking lot. " What do you mean sangie we saw eachother yesterday," I said trying to retain the oxygen being squeezed out of me by yeosang. "SO WHAT YOU LITTLE SHIT YOU HAVE A PHONE SO USE IT..AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T SEND A SMOKE SIGNAL OR SOMETHING,"HE WHINED. "Okay hyung ,I'll message next time ," i said blushing feeling low-key embarrassed.

"Kang Yeosang ,unhand that poor child " Seonghwa jokingly said approaching us and prying him off of me ,cling to him himself, planting a kiss on his forehead. I would be lieing if i said I wasn't jealous of their relationship. Yeosang and Seonghwa have been dating since junior year of high school, to me it felt like a life time . Yeosang and I have been best friends since middle school along with San and Yunho ,however he is the only one that knows every thing. Its not that I don't trust them,cause I do with my life -or what's left of it-...you know what I don't have a valid reason I just chose to tell sangie cause San was never and option and yunho hyung is how do you say.....unable to deal with emotion unless it from is boyfriend Mingi...then I guess I have a valid reason..Waw, not my thoughts giving me a headache...Its fine. I was drawn back to reality by yeosang pulling me away from the others.

"So what happened last night why didn't you call, Did you dad hit you ?" He asked concerned checking my face and neck for any sort of bruising. He sighed in relief as he didn't see anything. Suddenly he grabbed my forearm and I winced. He stood there staring at me as tears formed in his eyes, I could feel his heartbreak . He looked down at my arm and slightly pulled up my sleve only to sees a bloodied bandage. He looked back up and shaky sigh left his lips, then he smiled,"Wooyoungie why would you do this again ,after you knew how I felt last time when you were like this , why didn't you call me ...or San even , why would you do this ."

I looked down feeling nothing but shame," I'm ....sorry sangie I never ment to hurt you," I said hold on back my tears. I stood there for a moment waiting for his response, but got nothing , I looked up smiled then walked away just in time for the bell to ring.

Intrusive thoughts clouded my mind as I walked through the crowded halls

How could i be so selfish?
How could I do that to him?
How could I face him after this?
How could I?
....Can I?

I enter the classroom only to be met by Yunho standing directly in front of me . "What did you do to sangie, why does his eyes get teary when I talk about you," he asked in a concerned tone. " I guess I hurt him ,"I whispered. "What did you say?" Yunho asked ,unsure of what he heard, " O-oh um it's nothing ," I muttered pushing past him , heading to my seat at the back corner of the calss, looking yeosang who didn't even acknowledge my presence, I don't give him wrong , I would do the same honsetly.

I sat in my seat and rest my head on the cold wodden desk,staring out the window directly next to me. A couple minutes later later I decided to take a nap ,cause the teacher was late .

"Wait a minute what is this why am I chained to the floor ,why is the room so dark, where is everyone," I yelled felling confused by my current state. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice,"We all knew you were weak but this ,this is a whole new level, next time..follow through ,cut deeper than before, we don't need to breathe the same air as a weakling like you....or maybe... I should just tell San everything, from the depression to being suicidal and especially about that rape case you call a father ,I should tell him about every time he touched all all the things he did to you, maybe,that should be enough motivation for into kill yourself," yeosang said in a sinister voice .

I looked at him with watery eyes ," p-please tell t-this is a joke or some kind of sick twisted dream, cause I swear to god yeosang-," I was cut off, "What are you gonna Do?"he questioned and silence followed," That's what I thought ." He said smiling ,resting his hand on my head. He crouched down to be at eye level with me , yanking my head back he whispered in my ear ," you'll never be good enough, for friends, for life and for San, you're just a two bit slut that pleasures his daddy, how pitiful. "

I could feel his smirk. I held back tears praying for this to be over.

"Woo"
"Wooyoung, wake up," I heard a distant voice call, pulling me put of this hell like situation .

I shot up from my seat stumbling back, about to hit my head on the wall ,I closed my eyes and awaited the impact as there was nothing could have done. "No pain?" I thought, opening my eyes to see none other than San, staring at once again with is beautiful eyes." Woo , why are you crying?" I came back to my senses, blinking a few times until that hellish dream came rushing back, it became a task retain air in my lungs, my breathing quickened ,my chest tightened and my thoughts scattered. Soon enough It became clear... I was having a panic attack . I looked at san's face but it just made it worse ,the worry in his eyes hurt my heart ."How could I do this to him...to my friends, why did I have to like you ....why am i still here ..why am I alive?" I pondered . "Woo?" San asked whipping my tears away ," what's going on in that head of yours ,?" He asked setting me back in my seat and continued thing the seat next to me, " Jung Wooyoung we are best friends, why does it seem like you're constantly hiding behind a mask ,if something is bothering you please, please tell me let me be the one you cry to ,I'm tired of being kept in the dark , Woo ,I love you, lan on me more." Wait a minute , did he just.. say he loves me did I hear correctly? I shouldn't over think this , "ok, but not here, not now," i softly said , " then when woo when is the right time," he replied with a slightly irritated tone , a tone i've never heard san use...what does this mean?

_______________

today's thought of the day was brought to you by the letter 'Y' as in ," You wanted me to be honest didnt u?.. ahh.. i thought so."