"Just Friends"

Ally

(695 words)
Coming from such a loving and affectionate family, it's no surprise Ally turned out to be the person she is. Putting her friends and loved ones at the forefront of her mind, and letting empathy lead her through life, she's fiercely compassionate and aggressively caring. Occasionally to a fault.

Unfortunately, the happy life she lives now was found after a long trek of instability and discontent. Throughout her entire life she was trying to please everyone and everything, being the perfect daughter, friend, student, sister, setting high standards for herself that no one else expected from her. As she continued to make plans for her perfect, spotless life, her plans (as they often do) fell apart. Not in one fell swoop but in slow, insignificant crumbles. The impossible faultless person she required herself to be was unachievable and it killed her everyday; A mistake, no matter how small, was unforgivable. Ally developed mantras of distaste towards herself, chanting them in her mind every time she failed or slipped up.

Cracks in her mental health were only getting deeper when her best friend, Ash, moved away, leaving her feeling betrayed and worthless and alone. Alone with herself, the person she hated most.

University took its toll, deepening her depression and feelings of inadequacy. Why was this class so hard? Why wasn't she better at this? Why did she keep failing? Her appetite lessened and she stopped eating, her sleep schedule dissolved and she stopped sleeping. Her friends didn't notice the hollow shell she'd become, and Ash couldn't notice over facetime.
Walls closed in on her so tight that it was a chore to keep going, and who would even miss the imperfect girl if she was gone? No one wanted her, no one cared for her. Ally couldn't afford the love for herself that she gave so willingly to others, and she couldn't see the love they returned to her. Anyone who claimed to enjoy her company must be lying, they had to be, because Ally didn't enjoy her own company.

But then she met the most boring man in the world. His name was Jake, they met at a party when he asked her how she felt about the weather they'd been having. Everyone thought it was crazy when the lively and exuberant girl began dating the least interesting guy anyone had ever seen, but Ally didn't care. Unlike her friends, he didn't give her large proclamations of love that she couldn't believe in, but was careful to give her small genuine compliments she could accept. He took in her interests, and listened to her, and didn't expect her to be happy-go-lucky everyday. He observed her and was cautious and noticed her eating and sleeping patterns, he noticed how defined her ribs were and how cold she always was. When he pressed her to get therapy, she trusted him enough to agree. Jake, the un-opinionated and boringly agreeable man, saved her life.

It took time and work and hardship but Ally learned to accept love from others, and she learned to love herself. She finally told her friends, and told Ash what had been going on. She started to sleep, not just small spurts here and there but really sleep, and began to enjoy going to bed early to feel well rested in the morning. She began to eat, and the constant queasy empty feeling started to fade. She gained all of her weight back and then kept gaining, and although gossiping acquaintances whispered about how she was letting herself go and getting heavy, pudge was something to be proud of. The standards of others would no longer be required for her happiness, and her being heavy meant her being healthy, it meant no more starving and no more cold.

No matter how difficult recovery was for her, Jake was there the whole way. If she fell, he'd offer his arm. If she dropped something, he caught it. For so many years she convinced herself she was alone, but for the first time she had company, and she was loved, so truly deeply loved and Ally allowed herself to know it, and feel it.