Purple Band-Aids (ShinKami)

Chapter Fourteen

Everything was not fine.

Still, fuck the empty feeling, but he was definitely not okay.

Alright.

Kaminari was okay with touch. He could go and force himself to wrap his arm around someone. They're his friends, that's okay. They won't do anything like that. They're training to be heroes. Eh, well, so is Mineta, but that's Mineta.

Touch is okay. Sometimes.

Other times he has to hide in his room until the feeling of disgust passes. It's really not that bad. He either usually curls up into a ball of blankets and stuffed animals, or spreads his limbs out on the bed so that he can't feel his own skin touching.

It doesn't really get like that a lot, but when it does, he gets over it quickly. He's just being dramatic, really.

In those times, he doesn't leave his room for hours. Maybe even the whole day. It didn't really phase any of his friends when he disappeared. They probably think thought that he was with one of the others. He's known to be a little more social, so it wouldn't raise any suspicion. Usually.

Since he's also all over the place, he can make up excuses for missing, but with how his friends are worrying about him right now, it might not work.

He doesn't really worry about that during his small freak outs though. The only thing going through his mind is trying not to freak out and freaking out about people touching him. He makes it a point to check his door every five minutes to make sure it's locked. He'd hate to have to deal with anyone during these moments.

He does feel bad though. Knowing that he's scared of his friends touching him. They never would. Not like his dad does, but the thought of skin on his makes him so nervous.

It's irrational. Not everyone is like his dad. He knows that. Aizawa would never put his hands on him like Kisho, but he could. And it would be so easy for him, too. He could do anything because Kaminari would just freeze up and let him. That's what makes him hate himself the most. No matter how scared he is about it happening again, he wouldn't be able to stop the person.

Times that people got too close and scary prove that. They were honestly just messing around, but Kaminari was freaking out internally and just turned his head sideways, only lightly pushing the person away, not even enough to move them.

It was only a joke, not even a bad joke, just what friends do. Pretending you're about to square up. The fear that coursed through his body was dumb. It really was. How could he be a functioning human being like that? Let alone a hero!?

But he doesn't focus on that when all he thinks about when he's lying on his bed, is how much he wants to scratch at his skin. He won't do that anymore. He focuses on trying to stay calm and not resorting to that. But it's so hard when he can't make his brain focus on one thing.

Heavy breathing on his neck.

A weight on his body, practically trapping him in place.

The nervousness crawling through him as Kisho asks him if he likes it.

He can't say no. Never even thought about saying no, actually. Just did whatever he said, never fighting back.

He sits up in his bed, breathing heavily as fear shoots up his spine and he reacts violently.

Scrambling out of the blankets is hard, he accidentally scratches his shoulder in panic. Pathetic whines leave his lips.

"It's fine. Stop thinking about it."

He presses his hands over his eyes. He's not even crying. Just freaking out.

It tires him out and the panic attack fades in seconds. They never last long. Really, they only ever last a few seconds.