Purple Band-Aids (ShinKami)

Chapter Forty

Dinner was his favorite. He didn't expect to eat all that much, but he does.

He hasn't worked out in over twenty-four hours and he feels bad about it. Lazy and unaccomplished. He still feels so exhausted and like he'll cry if anything or anyone touches him without him knowing first. 

Bakugo doesn't, though. He stays on the other side of the table as they eat, doesn't kick his feet out into Kaminari's space. They have a show playing in the background as they eat because neither one of them can stand the silence for too long. 

Kaminari knows that Bakugo's ears ring because of his explosions damaging his ears.

Kaminari doesn't have an excuse like Bakugo does, but his ears also ring when it gets too quiet. He hates it, and it makes him feel like he's making it up.

Looking for attention. 

He wants to go upstairs and cry and just keep crying until he tires himself out. 

Honestly he's been thinking about suicide way too often, and maybe bringing it up with Arai tomorrow could be a good idea. 

Thinking of Arai has him wondering how Mr. Aizawa plans on getting his mom to sign the paper of him being allowed to take medication without even knowing where she lives now.

He can't really find it in himself to hate his mom at the moment. He does get mad sometimes, but now, he just really hates himself and hates how he let this happen. He let himself be separated from his mom. 

Gave her a reason to leave. 

Right now, Kaminari really just hates himself more than anything. 

Just disappearing would be so good for everyone right now.

There are so many reasons for him to just do it, and not enough reasons to really stay. He's not that great. Sure, some people would miss him, but damn, the benefits of him dying would outweigh the bit of bad by a long shot. 

All these thoughts have his neck feeling itchy and his eyes burning. 

It's not like he's going to cry right now, but he feels like he needs to blink, or have his eyes closed for longer. It's like an urge, and his eyes strain if he doesn't just squeeze his eyes shut. 

Honestly, it's annoying, and he feels like it just brings unwanted attention to himself.

After a while, he looks up to see if Bakugo to see if he'd say anything or notice his weird blinking thing, but Bakugo pretends not to have been looking.

Kaminari looks down quickly, holds back the biggest sigh he's felt, and just wishes to- well to die really.

Speaking of poor mental health, he has his appointment tomorrow, and has to call Aizawa since he doesn't know how he's getting there.

"I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I think Mr. Aizawa is going to pick me up, but I don't know. Can I- um, can I borrow your phone to call him? If he is, you can come with us. It'll be boring, but it's up to you," he says.

Bakugo just nods, handing him his phone. "Eh, why the fuck not? It'll be cool," he nods, and gives Kaminari a small smile, which, honestly? Makes Kaminari really happy. The usually angry blond is like the older brother that Kaminari always wanted, except he's even better because he's not actually related to him.

And Kaminari's family really sucks ass, so that's why it's good that they're not actually related.

He feels weird getting up and leaving with Bakugo's phone, so he stays sitting across from him as Bakugo pretends to be focusing on the TV.