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Random memory

She stood there in the big city, looking around with one of her hands around her chest. Her curly long hair which she wasn't sure if it looked okay or not. The outfit she had thought about million times before she wanted to make the best first impressions. Did she not wear her sole to make herself look taller than 163cm.  She looked around, clenching her phone in one hand, her heart beating like a drum. It felt like her heart will burst but she had to breathe slowly to calm herself. She has to look like it wasn't a big deal for her. But the truth was, it was her first time visiting another country and first time meeting the guy she had simped for every night. 

Every night who comes in mind when she goes on for strolling on the third floor of her house and how every song in her phone has a memory attached with him. Both sweet and sour. Every night that she used to smile or breathe a bit deep with her heart feeling like it was pressed down by a giant rock. In the strong lightening of the airport, she finally saw the familiar face. He looks better than in the photos. I wish she wouldn't have to feel insecure at a time like this. Do I look okay? Did he find me pretty?

she can't tell but the man met her with a smile. I wish it turns out to be a smile please God.

He smiled. It's so pretty. It feels like such a happy moment. like I accomplished something. He asked about how her trip was and if she is tired. She just reply with a sigh and a heavy heart. Home is what she is thinking about now. The environment is so different. A lot of good-looking people walking around. I wish she would stop thinking like that. Why does she have to compare herself to other people? Why can't she be just happy with who she is? She thought while hiding her hands in her oversized sweater.

.  . . . 

'Do you like my apartment?' He asked, walking ahead of her, he turned back to observe the expressions on her face

She pouted a bit before nodding a little 'It's alright' But in her heart, she knew damn well that it was a very pretty and expensive apartment. She twirls a bit to have a better look when he goes to the open kitchen at one side of his apartment and opens the fridge. There were like million cans on his kitchen shelf. I looked at him before moving closer to the good looking gray couch. she plans on sitting as soon as he comes back to the lounge area. 

'What do you want to drink?' He ask

'Anything is fine' she replied politely. After all it was her first time in his house. The house that welcomes new girl every day.

'You are behaving oddly well' He looked away from the fridge and gave a warm teasing smile. She smiled back a bit. In his smile, she could see all those sweet moments that he gives to other girls. How weird it is that jealousy is burning high enough to kill her but she is still having a hard time letting him go. She tried hard to find the reason to fall for a person like him but even after so many months, she had no answer. 

'Here' He handed her juice and they sat down on the couch. What will he do next? show his gaming computers that he enjoys so much? Show his weapons? Some of the other stuff from his house that is imported? When he was young, his dad will bring him all kinds of imported toys from overseas. Maybe from that's where he got his habit of liking quality stuff. 

that implies on his girlfriends. He likes really fine girls. Tall, as tall as 173cm. Pale skin, very pretty face, born rich, very elegant. Something that I will never be. 

She forgot how many nights she had thought his thought if she was from different ethnicity, white maybe, she could've got all the happiness that she dreamt of. She wouldn't have to write it all here and call it a fantasy. It could be real. But she has to understand that not everyone deserves happiness. She just didn't know she was one of them.

How many nights she imagined herself in bed with him but dropped the thought because he won't find her body pretty. Beauty is inside? Every body type and color is pretty? maybe true but what should be done if they fall in love with someone who doesn't believe in this bullshit?

I wish I deserved this kind of happiness