Chenford: Closer

Closer Than Ever

Tim was furious. He pounded on the door. For once he had inspired enough fear in Harper that she kept her holier-than-though-UC-experience opinions out of the mess that was going to erupt. She had told Lucy to get her affairs in order anyway. This was one of them. A very tired-looking Lucy timidly opened the door. The green shirt and sweats she was wearing looked a few days old. "Tim? What-" "What the hell Chen? We just got back from hell itself and you are running right back into the fire? Why would you agree to do this? In your condition right now, this is the last thing you can possibly be prepared for." She had her counter-attack aimed. She fired.

"You know what Bradford? I don't need that from you. You told me on my last day as your rookie that I should never let anyone tell me that I couldn't do something. Including you. I am doing this because it doesn't matter what just happened four days ago. This is the job. Isn't that what you've always said? I'm going to do this job. I always wanted to make my parents proud of me. Nothing was ever good enough. I had always hoped to make you proud. If I can't do that then at least I can make others proud of what I'm doing. And if you aren't here for any reason other than to yell at me, then you can get the hell out!"

His blinded mix of overprotectiveness and rage cooled. He saw through her tirade that she was right. He was being an unfair ass about the whole situation. She had her back to him.

"Chen." Nothing.

"Chen?" Still nothing. He sighed.

"Lucy." That caught her attention. "I'm sorry. I'm- I am not mad at you. I'm just angry at the circumstances. You should have been given more time. And I am proud of you. You taught me how to trust again. You are not Isabel. You are a strong individual and a great cop. You can do this. I have learned to accept that this is what you want. You are right, don't listen to me if I say no. But I want you to know that I'm not. Not that you need my approval, but you have it."

She turned to him. "Thank you." Then she turned away.

And... she turned back toward him. "Why are you still here?" Her bottom lip trembled. "Lucy..." he moved closer. "You lost someone very special to you. I can't say that Jackson was to me the same way he was to you. But I have lost people very special to me. I made the mistake of pushing past it and then pushing everyone else away in those moments. Don't make the same mistake I did. Take the time you can to grieve. You shouldn't be alone right now." He drew her into his arms.

His arms encircled her, warming her to her core. She felt the tears that she had been holding in from the moment Jackson went down on the hard earth begin to stream down her face. She held onto him tightly. Tim was warm and alive. Jackson's hand had been cold. So cold. She felt his body shift away from her. Tucking her fist under her chin, she looked up at him, tears flowing freely. "Thank you, Tim."

Tim did not want to let go. This reminded him of another time when he had held her this close. The adrenaline had rushed out of him the moment she began to breathe in that god-forsaken graveyard of a desert. Pure relief took its place as he had hugged her tight and close. No longer just a warm body, but one warm and breathing. Alive. There had been something inside of his being that died and came back to life in those terrifying moments.

Things, they knew, were different. He hadn't been her T.O, nor had she been his boot for a while now. The lines were blurry sometimes. Like right now. But, no. She mentally shook herself. This couldn't happen. They couldn't happen. Not because she didn't want to explore her feelings for him. But because she was still leaving. Tim was committed. She had witnessed first-hand his commitment to his job, and how long he had stuck his neck out for Isabel in hopes that she would come back to him. How he had tried to make things work with him and Rachel. How much did he really care for her? She couldn't ask questions like that right now.

He must have read her mind. "You'll do great Chen. And I'll be here if anything goes south. And I'll be here when it's over. So you can talk, and I'll listen." She cracked a smile. 

"You hate it when I talk about my feelings."

"Well, it'll be different. Maybe we'll talk about our feelings together."

Before she could say anything else, he leaned forward, placing a brief soft kiss on her forehead. "You've got this hotshot," he whispered. She thrilled. She liked the nickname.

Heat coursed from where his lips had been for barely a second. It flooded over the surface of her body, covering her like a blanket. She was on fire. But... it was different than a fever. It wasn't till she had turned back that evening when Angela's wedding was supposed to happen that she realized her former T.O just might have feelings for her. He swallowed a huge amount of pain to congratulate her on a successful bust. He asked her to save him a dance. This evening, even with his major outburst, she could see that it was just Tim being overprotective. Probably pent-up emotion from the past week that he just needed to release. Then, that kiss, obviously. Well, he hugged her first of all. Her mind wasn't quite ready to take it all in yet. She was still trying to process the death of her best friend. Life having, needing to go on without him. She needed space. This UC op was what she thought was best. She knew that it would be difficult. But hopefully, that space and time would have the potential to bring her and Tim closer than ever.