"Thank you." Stevie said after a long while of silence.
When Lindsey offered to whisk her away from the mess she had created, Stevie didn't need to be convinced to leave with him. She felt bad about disappearing without saying a word to anyone, but she was afraid that there was a part, even if a small part, of her, which might have made her stay if she had gone back.
Lindsey drove Stevie to his place. She didn't ask about Carol Ann, the woman had completely escaped her mind at that moment. She didn't have any other place to go anyway. They didn't talk during the drive, they hadn't said a word to each other since Lindsey unlocked the front door of his house and showed her inside. He just found a T-shirt and a pair of sweats for her to change into. After that, they just sat together in silence.
"You don't have to thank me." Lindsey replied.
"Yes, I do." Stevie insisted. "I would have... if not for you, I would have married Kim. I don't know, what I was thinking." She lifted her feet up on the couch and hugged her knees close to her chest. "He's never going to forgive me."
"I think, he's going to thank you." Her eyebrows creased, indicating that he should elaborate. "Neither of you truly wanted that, Stevie. It might have seemed like the right thing to do, but it's not. Not for anyone involved. You don't have to marry someone to be there for them. You can still be there for Kim and the boy."
Stevie grew quiet, she closed her eyes in an attempt to prevent the tears from falling. "I wanted to be a mother."
"You can be a mother figure for Matthew. I know, you love him." Lindsey gave her a sympathetic look and placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly.
"I wanted to be a mother, Lindsey." Stevie repeated herself. "To a beautiful baby boy. We were all scared for him, but he pulled through. He's happy and he's healthy. And..." She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned to look back at him. "And I wanted him."
Lindsey hadn't voiced it, but he did have a feeling. "You have time, Steph."
"Yeah, well..." She shrugged, sniffling. "Who says, I can bring a baby into this world? With everything I've put my body through..."
He clenched his jaw and breathed in deeply. He was trying to help her with her addiction as well and she said, no, to that, too. "If you truly want that, nothing can stop you."
"I don't even have a man I love in my life. This conversation is pointless." Stevie leaned back, trying to compose herself.
"But you do." Lindsey said. "I'm not saying that we should have a baby together, but you do have someone, who has loved you through it all. Through all these difficult years, through all the ups and downs." Since she kept quiet, he continued. "I honestly don't know if you still have any genuine feelings for me, but I at least wish you wouldn't push me away every time I try to get close. I don't always have an ulterior motive, you know. Sometimes, I do just want to be your friend."
"I know." Stevie nodded, smiling at him weakly. "That's exactly why I push you away, Linds. It's because I do have feelings for you and that's just never going to change. But we're so fucked up that I don't think we can be fixed. So, if I refuse you, then... then it's easier."
It hurt hearing her say that, but he understood. "Maybe, we shouldn't talk about this. You've had a tough day as it is."
"Yeah, maybe." She agreed with a sigh. "Can I stay here tonight? I mean, is Carol Ann okay with me being here?"
"She won't know that you're here, because she doesn't live here anymore." Lindsey replied and stood up. "I'm gonna go and find us something to eat."
Before Stevie could ask, he had already walked out of the room.
