You know you're fucked mentally when one of your favorite songs by your favorite artist comes on and as you listen to it, you feel.... nothing. Nothing at all. You don't feel happiness. No smile crosses your face. You don't feel your heartbeat skip a beat to match that of the song. You don't feel like you typically do when listening to the song.
Am I just really depressed tonight, or is it something else? Something.... worse? I honestly don't know what to do. I'm low-key freaking out, and to know that no one will likely read this is just making it worse.
I wonder if my readers care about me anymore. I wonder if my so-called friends do. I wonder what they would say if they were here right now, or awake. It's 2 in the morning. I am in fucking pain right now. Nothing helps. I'm so, so sad I am crying and freaking out while listening to a calming song. One I fucking love.
I don't know what's even going on anymore. No one wants to help me. No one wants me to be pain-free. No one seems to care that I can barely breathe. No one is awake and I am, but I am suffering. I'm so upset. I don't know what to do.
I know I'll get through this. I know I will. Somehow. But I don't know how. I'm so sad and lost I just can't get out of this dark place ... not on my own. Let's hope random people on YouTube can help.
YOU ARE READING
The Lost Girl
RandomThis is basically just me writing about myself and my life. If anyone is interested in following the life of a chronically ill writer, this is the story you're looking for.
