Wolf Spirit

5 • Confusion •

After sitting in the cold for what seemed like hours I had finally got up and gone to the place I have to call home. Confusion clouded my mind as I now sat in my room. I had no idea what was going on, unable to think straight at all. I had never experienced anything like that before, so why now? Everything that had happened just hasn't sunk in yet - it seemed so unreal - I'm just waiting to wake up from this dream, which I really hope it is.

I racked my brains to come up with a theory - something that will explain what is happening. What should I do? Just ignore what's happened and continue with life? No. I can't do that, that's cowardly. I need to face my fears, not just ignore them.

All of a sudden an idea came to my mind. I could go to the pack library and look up about shifts and signs.

We have a whole library here believe it or not. No one uses it, and hardly anyone knows about it. In fact, I think I'm the only one that knows where it is. It's hidden away down one of the many abandoned corridors in the pack house, there's no electricity up there and it's dusty. They don't want to get dirty going up there and they just can't be bothered. I'm pretty sure they all think there's nothing but a spare bedroom up there. How wrong the idiots are!
I found the library after gong up there a couple of years back to explore. I have many places to hide when I want to get away, or have some quiet. The Alpha always said that there was nothing we needed from there so obviously everyone believed him. They also believe that the pack books are useless and we don't need them. The thing is though, they are ancient and tell us loads about werewolves; they were written by some very intelligent alphas unlike the current one. There's still space for us to write now if anything important happens or an unusual event takes place.

Lots of historical events are recorded in there as well, like the war that destroyed the royal family. I have spent most of my free time during summer holidays consulting the books. I have learnt much from them and they are more of an Alpha to me then the current one will ever be. None of the pack ever helped me as I grew up which you probably would've already guessed so I don't know much about shifts. Usually our parents tell us what will happen but I have none to guide me.

I got up from the creaky bed and walked to the end of my corridor, stopping at the bottom of the dusty staircase. Luckily it had lasted well and doesn't creak or make any noise when I go up them. If they knew I'd been snooping around up here I'd be locked away by now. Dust covers the bannister in a thick layer like cloth, hiding what's underneath. I wiped away the dust and admired, once more, the intricate designs carved into the wood. I have never seen anything more beautiful. I walked up the stairs slowly, careful not to make any noise, and eventually reach the top.
The floor is still coated in dust, never changing, forever the same. The corridor is long and many doors stay shut, untouched, hiding the old bedrooms of previous ancestors. The one door on my left, at the start of the corridor will never stop standing out to me. Its beauty is enrapturing. It stands so tall, made of ancient oak wood, treated by precious magic. Like all the walls of the library, it makes it literally indestructible.

It ensures that none of the books get destroyed; making it a safe place for all.

Its magic doesn't leave me spellbound though, the intricacy of the engravings does. Thousands of plant stems link together two beautifully carved wolves that hold their heads up high, howling. This always means so much to me, it reminds me that no matter what my position is in the pack every werewolf is linked together as part of one family making us equal in one way at least.

I step forwards pushing on the heavy door or what I thought was heavy, it suddenly seems so much easier to push. It swings open, groaning, protesting, against revealing its possessions to me. I walked in and went to the very back where the pack books are. They have their own area as there are so many, each restricted to a certain shelf depending on the date. But I want one of the other books, one of the books that holds knowledge on the different things that happen in a werewolf's life cycle.It contains pages of information on things like the growth of pups, when first shifts come about, what the signs are before it happens and pregnancies. I scanned the section, spotting the well worn but loved book called 'The Life of Werewolves' in the middle of the shelf. Reaching up on my tiptoes, I pulled the book out before sitting down on the floor cross-legged. Then I opened it to the contents page, searching for what I wanted. After getting halfway down the page I found what I was looking for: 'Signs Before First Shifts'. This was exactly what I wanted. I turned to the page number, starting to read the list of signs and what I saw shocked me. The list included:

- Change in eye colour

- Increase in aggressiveness

- Strengthened abilities e.g. In sight, smell, hearing or touch.

-Increased hunger

-Better healing

It is common to be experiencing any of these symptoms at least two weeks before your first shift. Most werewolves shift on their 18th birthday but Alphas, and especially Royals, may shift one to two months earlier than expected.

I couldn't believe any of this. That list might as well be a checklist for me. First the change in eye colour, then the anger I had felt earlier at the Queen Bees, my odd increase in strength and the sudden hunger I have been feeling all implied I was an Alpha. And, just under an hour ago when I was cleaning the kitchen, I had cut my hand on a very sharp knife and it healed so rapidly that I could have missed it. Plus, my birthday is almost two months away! But all this doesn't help, it just adds to my confusion, it's practically telling me that I'm an Alpha or a Royal! A Royal? That couldn't possibly be right, surely the book is wrong? It can't be though, this was written by some of the most intelligent werewolves that have ever lived, they wouldn't lie. All I was left with were a million thoughts running through my head at once. There was one that was the most consistent.

I'm an Alpha.

This one discovery brings hope to me, but doesn't cease to settle my confusion.