To My Youth [BL]

[28] Hiding Behind My Shadow (1/2)

𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵.

The disruptions within classrooms were high today.

With students getting pulled out of their lessons to the office, there was this constant noise of the door opening and closing because today was parent-teacher interviews.

However, Gu Xiao never had to worry about these events since they never involved him. He stopped showing his father the note, so he never expected him to come whenever they held these parent-teacher talks.

The classmate who walked into the classroom called out, "Gu Xiao!"

He flung his head off from the table and looked over. "What?"

"Wipe your drool. It's your turn to go to the office."

He stared at his dear classmate with blank eyes and slowly lowered his head down onto the table.

"Why are you going back to sleep? Your interview is next."

"I'm not sleeping," he said with his head still planted on the table, completing the practice exam for mathematics.

"What interview? Is it because I won that eating competition last year? I already did the interview."

"You were the one who won that? Wait, that's not it. Your father is waiting with Mr. Shen."

A long silence filled the classroom, and he instantly whipped his head back up. "What?"

"Wipe your drool before you leave."

He scratched his head, and all that left his mouth was, "Huh?"

✎✎✎

He hesitantly opened the door to the office. Even while walking through the corridors, he still didn't believe that his father was with Mr. Shen.

Even if he was, he was probably in a drunken state like last time when he passed out in front of their school. Yet, what he saw in front of him, caused his brow to slightly raise.

His father and Mr. Shen turned around, and he beckoned him to sit beside his father. Gu Xiao still had an expression that read "utterly confused," but he slowly walked to the seat where his father kept his gaze hung low.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Is that how you speak to your father?" Mr. Shen said.

"I took some break off work."

Gu Xiao sat stiffly. Even now, he couldn't comprehend this situation. Seeing his father inside the school, who barely ever came home, that constantly ran away, in this meeting, was strange.

"It's a pleasure to have you here today while I talk about your son."

"Thank you for taking care of Gu Xiao."

"Well, we'll look at his first semester results compared to his other years," Mr. Shen informed and turned his computer screen around, which displayed his marks throughout the whole year.

Just seeing those numbers made Gu Xiao squint and lean back because they were genuinely tragic. Who knew these numbers acted like arrows piercing his heart each time Mr. Shen pointed to each midterm exam? It was all straight seventy-eight for mandatory subjects while science was one-hundred and three.

"But in his first-semester report, his marks have improved, and his study habits have also gotten better. But even though he is handing in his work now and working hard academically, there is still room for improvement regarding classroom behaviour."

"How... does he behave during classes?"

Gu Xiao glanced at his father and blinked twice in confusion. This was definitely foreign. Hearing him ask about his school life was strange to his ears.

It left him completely puzzled that he attempted to find an explanation as to why his father was there. Was this really his father and not someone dressed in his skin?

Since the third years were interviewed last, did that mean he went to Gu Heiyu's interview in the morning? Gu Xiao knew she would probably be in more shock than him.

"Sleeping. If he's not sleeping, then he's talking. If he's not talking, then he's eating. If he's not eating, then he's drawing. If he's not drawing, then he will be working. If he's not working, then he's sleeping. And it repeats."

Gu Xiao averted his gaze from Mr. Shen in shame.

"But he has been fixing these old habits, so there is no need to worry."

His father nodded.

"Gu Xiao, what do you plan on doing in the future? What careers do you have in mind?" Mr. Shen asked.

"Careers?" Gu Xiao repeated.

"It is crucial to be thinking about these and university preferences."

He didn't even know if he could afford to pay for university.

So, hearing Mr. Shen ask just twisted his heart into tangling knots, pulling it down into the immeasurable depths of the shore.

He had dreams, universities he wanted to attend, courses he wanted to study, and places he wanted to go, but every time he dreamed of the future, the last question that stung his mind was whether he could afford it. Or whether he even deserved to attend university.

"I... don't know," he said.

His father lowered his gaze and fiddled with his rough-skinned fingers. The two just sat there in silence. Helplessness.

Sometimes, everyone went to school wearing the same blue and white uniform, walking down the same path, and having their schoolbags slung across their shoulders.

They all walked the same way. But he sometimes felt he was the only one walking in the opposite direction. Perhaps others walked with him, but even those other people felt like they were by themselves.

The air on this path was thick. It suppressed his lungs and body, making him tread through the roads with this weight bearing him down. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt like he was on the same path as others before splitting. So, it wasn't that unbearable.

Mr. Shen might have been talking to his father, but Gu Xiao could not discern the words coming out of his mouth.

Maybe the hand that was reaching out to him right now, the light that was shining down his path, the signs that were directing him back. Perhaps he should stop avoiding them before they accumulate to his feet, reach up to his waist, and drown him.