To My Youth [BL]

[38] Eighteen (3/4)

He didn't want to regret anything.

Without hesitation, Lan Yuning wrapped his arms around Gu Xiao's shoulders, standing on his toes so he could reach his face. 

He bent towards him as they both drew each other closer with their eyes. 

Lan Yuning's lashes fluttered, and he gradually lowered his eyelids, feeling the other's large palm hover over his waist and support his back with caution.

Lan Yuning pulled himself in closer to kiss him. Their lips finally met, brushing together tentatively for the first time. 

The morning sunlight cast a shadow across the shorter boy's cheeks, outlining the tremble of his lashes as he sunk deeper. 

The scent of lavender and the subtle peachy scent from the other mixed together, numbing both their legs and shoulders.

As his fingers trembled, Lan Yuning could feel the boy's loud heartbeat knocking against his own. 

Their heads grew dizzy, but neither of them pushed each other away as the heat consumed their chests, letting all energy escape through their fingertips.

Withdrawing himself slightly, Gu Xiao tried to catch his breath, but the other was still locking him closely with his arms. 

But once he saw Lan Yuning's flushed face and his unsteady arms as he exhausted all his energy to hold on to his arms, Gu Xiao could no longer think properly and pulled him back in. 

With no second thoughts, Lan Yuning sealed his lips shut before he could say anything.

Gu Xiao's fingers nuzzled past Lan Yuning's ticklish ear and through his soft hair, and their lips met once again. The way his lips gently touched his was so soft, and he could feel the tickle of his breath.

 As he tried so hard to ensure that he wasn't being too harsh since he was afraid of hurting Lan Yuning, Gu Xiao brushed his fingers past his hair with a tender motion.

As the short boy was subjected to a torrent of grief, he could no longer hold the sweet and bitterness of his aching heart. 

His body couldn't contain the flood of tears that gushed down his ashen cheeks, which shocked Gu Xiao as he immediately pulled himself away, yet Lan Yuning refused to let unlock his arms.

"What, what's wrong?" Gu Xiao panicked, not sure where to place his palm. 

Eventually, he lowered his hand down to his waist and held him close.

"Why?" he sobbed. "Why didn't you answer my call?"

Gu Xiao was speechless, though he wasn't sure if it was because of the kiss or something else. 

Perhaps he was speaking, but Lan Yuning couldn't even understand the words that were escaping from his hoarse throat.

"I— I'm sorry. My phone, ah, my phone. Where did I leave it? I don't have it on me. I'm so sorry."

Lan Yuning couldn't find the energy to breathe anymore. Every drop of tension drained from his body, and gradually, his rigid hands that clenched onto Gu Xiao's shirt tightened even more that the other could probably feel the subtle tremors from her grip. 

Time continued to pass over their heads, not even allowing them to pause for a second. There was still so much they both wanted to say.

So many words that he wanted to pour out, but there was not enough time.

Gu Xiao reached his hand out to Lan Yuning's lowered head, but he immediately faltered.

A hesitation took over him, and he asked, "Can I... touch you?"

His face flushed in tones of deep red after hearing how strange his question sounded. Yet, Lan Yuning didn't say anything. 

Except, he continued to cry silently, that with every breath he took, it only suffocated him even more. 

Seeing how messed up his ink-black hair was, his heavy breaths, his swollen eyes and lips, Gu Xiao let out a weak laugh. 

He was completely tense, unable to look at him straight in the eye without lowering it. Yet Gu Xiao's gaze became focused on the boy in front of him, his eyes filled with an intense gleam. 

He was shocked that Lan Yuning would chase after him, and he was even more surprised when he kissed him so suddenly.

The appearance and emotions he received from Lan Yuning burned his heart. He was beautiful. In fact, when he looked about him solely, there was a sense of detachment from reality. 

The way his glossy black hair felt when it brushed against his skin, the way the hazel eyes that used to constantly look at him apathetically, that it was amusing. He was someone indescribable. 

If one was to ask what he loved about him, he wouldn't be able to put it into words, or it would simply be a pour of nonsensical sentences.

Gu Xiao wiped his tears away gently from both sides and smiled, his cheeks pushing his eyes upturned into crescents.

"Dummy. Why are you crying?" he chuckled.

After wiping his tears, he brushed the hair covering his forehead back. "Don't be upset. Don't be upset. Did you run all the way here while class is still going on? You idiot."

With his hands still caressing his cheeks lightly, Gu Xiao leaned in and softly kissed his forehead.

As though another rush of waves surged within Lan Yuning, streams of tears flowed out faster than their heartbeats combined that Gu Xiao thought he had done something wrong once again.

"Why... Why are you so nice to me? Why don't you hate me? I acted out at the park. I told you to not talk to me or see me again. I smacked your hand away. I'm sorry. I... didn't mean all of that at all. I thought it would be easier for you if you hated me. I thought it would be easier for me to forget about you if I tried to nit-pick every single part of you, but it was so hard because that only led me to realise how much I... how I..."

Gu Xiao wrapped his arms around him, letting Lan Yuning's head be buried in his shoulder. 

Lan Yuning's body continued to shake from crying, while he attempted to steady his heartbeats as a gradual rush of heat travelled from his stomach to his chest. 

Both of them couldn't see each other's expressions, but they could clearly feel each other's emotions. Slowly and gently, Gu Xiao rubbed the back of his head, trying to ease the pain in their hearts.

Gu Xiao tightened his embrace, though it wasn't too tight that it would inflict pain upon the boy he was hugging. It was the sort of hug that produced a sense of desperation of not desiring to allow the person in front of him to slip through his arms and disappear with the upcoming spring wind.

"I will wait for you," Lan Yuning lamented, and Gu Xiao's finger flinched. "I will wait for you... so... you have to come back. Whether it's seven years or ten, or more."

"So don't forget," he grumbled, gripping onto Gu Xiao's shirt even tighter.

Gu Xiao's breath stopped, and both their minds blanked out, yet a solemn smile played over his lips when Lan Yuning's soft embrace filled his body with an unexplainable completeness. The warmth of the two was shared with one another in this brief moment.

"Can I kiss you?" Gu Xiao whispered.