To My Youth [BL]

[33] Once Again, the Waves Have Swept Your Feet Away

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

When the next Monday arrived, Gu Xiao found his mind drifting off in different directions every time he was involved in any conversation. 

An awkwardness constantly lingered between him and Lan Yuning since he was still contemplating about Gu Xiao's confession. 

Every time one of them opened their mouth and prepared to speak, they always found the other stirring the conversation in a different direction, cutting their interaction short before they parted ways.

He told his father his answer, and he came to school and talked to Mr. Shen, and everything was sorted. 

However, Gu Xiao noticed even Mr. Shen acted so despondently every time he looked at him. And when he would call his name for the roll, he would say his name with such a melancholic tone. 

It honestly looked like Gu Xiao was someone that was about to pass away. Should he not be happy that someone annoying like him would leave?

Soon, three weeks passed since that conversation with their father. The fine rain continued drizzling on and off down the school grounds, but it gradually stopped after 4PM. 

The break ended, and the classrooms were now filled with the stern expressions of students studying and going over past materials. 

This time, Gu Xiao wasn't sleeping, but focusing on the past science exam before him. 

All he did in the break was study, so he hoped he could at least complete this paper without passing out or complaining like usual. 

This was the only way to distract his mind.

With the bell signalling the third break, students stayed in their seats and continued studying, while some took a brief break and rested their eyes for three minutes before continuing to study. 

Gu Xiao and Zhang Yongyin walked to the cafeteria, and he finally decided that this was the only time he would have a chance to tell Zhang Yongyin.

"Hey," Gu Xiao said, sipping on his strawberry milk.

Zhang Yongyin, whose mouth was full of chips but still responded. "What?"

"I'm moving to the UK."

Zhang Yongyin flung his head around, and everything in his mouth dropped. 

His face grew pale as he tried to comprehend Gu Xiao's words, though nothing was making sense to his small brain.

Gu Xiao scratched the back of his head and explained, "My dad's company is offering him a place there for placement. I guess it's sort of like a business trip, but a long one. Apparently, the pay is good and there is also a house that is more comfortable than the one we have now. So, we will move there."

Those words were like a drop of cold water entering a sizzling pan, instantly forcing a wave of heat to splash its surroundings. 

It never passed through his mind that his friend that had been with him since they were just toddlers would leave so suddenly. 

How many more separations must they experience, only to be at peace? Zhang Yongyin gazed at his friend with his lips trembling, the redness of the setting sun reflected in his watering eyes.

"Remember that lady that you always saw my dad with? He's going to marry her after we settle down in the UK. I wanted to tell you first, before it was too late."

The more he spoke, the more his own voice drowned out with the chatters of the students and the silence from Zhang Yongyin. 

His throat was suffocated by this intoxicating agony, that he found himself not only restricted by the sound of speech but also by movement. 

He slowly stopped walking overall.

"You are leaving?" Zhang Yongyin asked, tightening his fists as he blinked slowly, trying to swallow back his tears.

"Don't be so glum," Gu Xiao smiled. "School is ending soon anyway, and you'll probably attend a university far away as well. It's not like I'll cut off all contact."

"Are you really moving to the UK? Europe? To another country? This is a prank, right? Because if it is, then it's not funny."

"No. I only have around one week left. I... I'm sorry for being selfish and telling you now, especially since the mock exams are near."

Although Zhang Yongyin tried his best not to break down into tears, his heart was sinking into the depths of the ocean where no light soaked through, and there was no hand to help his heart resurface. 

Gu Xiao could tell this was the first time Zhang Yongyin attempted to keep his emotions in check that he wasn't sure what to do with the surge of complicated feelings.

If it was another province, they could at least see each other, but to think it was another country was like swallowing a rock. He couldn't understand. 

Everything in both their visions turned dark and the sparkling memory fragments, especially the ones where it was filled with genuine smiles and laughter, fluttered and unveiled themselves once again.

This time, Zhang Yongyin couldn't endure the restriction of his sorrow anymore. 

His tears burned the corner of his eyes and the ugly noises of sobbing and choking filled the corridor. 

The sprinkling sky instantly drained out the warm tones of Gu Xiao's face completely. 

He expected this to happen, but he was filled with such intense hatred for himself that he felt as if he didn't deserve to say anything to Zhang Yongyin.

"There's nothing I can do. But I just feel so..." Zhang Yongyin sobbed. "I don't know!"

With the blaring noise of Zhang Yongyin's cries, students started glancing at Zhang Yongyin, who was crying uncontrollably that he vomited every finer emotion that was engraved deep within his heart.

"It's not like I'm dying. Also, don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Lan Yuning."

"Of course, I won't. It's just so sudden. I knew something was off because you have been acting weird lately, but I didn't want to ask because I knew you would probably tell me sooner or later. I just didn't expect it to be this," he explained, trying to let his voice be heard.

Gu Xiao lowered his head, and he didn't dare look into Zhang Yongyin's eyes. What right did he have?

"Look. I'm still alive, ok? We can still play games together. We can still text. We can still talk. It's not like I'm completely cutting you off."

"We probably won't see each other ever again. First, it was Wu Fei, then it was He Rong, and now you are leaving too. I should've prepared myself for this to happen. It feels like... I'm always the one who is left behind."

There was a harsh truth that both Zhang Yongyin and Gu Xiao knew clearly. 

It wasn't that they doubted their relationship, but because the distance between them would surely force them to drift apart, even if it was only just a little. 

Above all, at this point in life, nothing was stable. The more they treaded further into the future and turned to look back at everything they had missed, it was all shrouded in a shadow that even the setting sunlight couldn't disperse away.