wake up soon - k. akaashi

epilogue

Akaashi had always known when to stop trying. The words "nothing else can be done" weren't foreign to him. He knew when he'd tried everything there was and it was pointless to keep at it, he knew when all possibility had run out and you simply had to give up.

But somehow, when the doctor said those words, he refused to accept them. "Nothing else we can do?" no, there had to be something. Tamiko wasn't lost yet, she was still sleeping, she just had to wake up. There were thousands of cares that could be practiced on her for that to happen, they couldn't have possibly gone over all of them. His brain worked at its maximum speed to try and comprehend what it was that had gone wrong, or what else could be done.

The cries of Ayane as she hugged one of her mothers barely reached his ears, Ryu shouting for someone to do something and not let his sister die only fueling his need to find a solution.

But there wasn't one.

Tamiko Shiota-Yamada was already brain dead, and keeping her in that bed was only strengthening that fact. It was time to say goodbye.

Keiji didn't notice his fingers tremble. He just stood there, looking past the doctor. Were they even focused? I don't think so. His vision was blurry, but it wasn't because of the tears. There weren't any. Keiji just felt void.

His gaze finally focused when he found what he was looking for. It was barely visible, but Tamiko's hand was something he'd recognize everywhere, even in the decrepit state it was. He'd held that hand millions of times, kissed every inch of it, and played with its fingers more than he'd touched a volleyball. It was always so warm... it brought him comfort. Whenever Tamiko would cup his face with it, all his stress left, like it was the gas that killed them. But now it looked so cold and pale it could've been confused with ice, hanging from the edge of the hospital bed.

Just like that, his eyes opened, vision clearing and the fog in his mind dissipating.

Feeling returned to his body, he was aware of the people around him. It overwhelmed him, all these presences he didn't want around only making it harder for Akaashi to feel the air that was in fact entering his lungs. In a rush, his feet moved and made him left the scene, finding the exit to the hospital's little garden from muscle memory, and leading him to a secluded tree.

The sky was clear of clouds, but still, no stars or moon could be found in the depths of it. Just an endless void. It was funny, it had been exactly the same the night Tamiko was first brought to the hospital. Maybe the universe didn't want to see an angel hurt and not be able to do anything about it, choosing to disappear like Akaashi had, or maybe it didn't care in the slightest, just like it didn't care for her death.

Either way, it wasn't fair.

Akaashi should've had more time with her, he should've been at that crossroad earlier, and stayed with her when she was induced into the coma, that stupid driver shouldn't have drunk that day and the fucking universe should give all the fucks it had for that girl!

"Dammit!" the hit his knuckles took would absolutely leave a bruise. Still, Keiji only wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

It was his fault.

What if he had gotten to the meet up spot earlier? Or if Tamiko had crossed over the first time it turned green and they'd gone to that restaurant with the others? Better yet, what if he hadn't called her at all?

But then again, he only had wanted to spend time with his girlfriend, that wasn't a crime. What was a crime however, was to drive while intoxicated.

Because if that asshole hadn't gotten in his truck. If he hadn't drunk and made dumb decisions, she would still be here. Right?

He would still have the missing piece of him. His constellation would be complete.