distant lately

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It's currently half-past seven.

Felix is sitting on the couch, impatiently tapping his foot while glancing at the clock. A frown is present on his face as he bites his lower lip. Excitement overtakes him as the clock nears eight.

"Hyunjin should be home soon." he whispers to himself, and a slight smile forms onto his face.

Hyunjin is an artist. He has his own studio where he gives lessons about painting. He is very passionate about art, something that Felix admires. The way his eyes glimmer while looking at drawings, and how he never gets tired of working. He always finds inspiration in something, may it be nature, people, or Felix himself. He's always bubbly and has that bright aura-just like Felix. People always call them: the sunshine couple.

Felix loves what they have.

He loves the glowy mornings in which he wakes up next to Hyunjin. Having Hyunjin's arms around his waist and just feeling warm in his embrace-Felix loves that. Even if the sun shines powerfully through the windows, blinding the boy-Felix can't imagine a life without these mornings. 

He doesn't even complain about the mornings in which they'd wake up panicked that they're late. He thinks it's amusing how they'd hop around the room trying to find some nice clothes then just munch on some cereals. It's adorable to see Hyunjin struggling to tie his hair while it's sticking out in weird directions. And what's even more adorable? His cute pouty lips.

He loves that their workplaces are so close to each other. He buys lunch for both of them and sneaks into Hyunjin's studio, not forgetting to surprise his lover with dessert. Felix is a baker; he makes the prettiest cakes and the most delicious brownies. He always learns new recipes to impress Hyunjin because it makes him happy. It makes his heart flutter with ease seeing Hyunjin's satisfied expression and his big smile.

He loves it when the night comes; when the sky darkens, and he's impatiently waiting for Hyunjin at home. The sound of the door unlocking makes his heartbeat stop for a mere second. Then he runs up to Hyunjin to engulf him in the most heart-warming hug. Hyunjin chuckles as Felix and Kkami; both are welcoming him with so much affection.

Every night Hyunjin arrives home with a painting, a painting of the dessert Felix baked him that day. He says it's because he wants to capture every day into a drawing. He says that Felix is his sunshine and that he appreciates his work a lot. He truly values that Felix is taking out of his time to bake for him.

And the late-night walks in the park with Kkami- Felix adores those. Strolling on the busy streets hand-in-hand with Hyunjin, laughing at the stupidest jokes. They always stop by a cafe to buy some hot tea, merely because Hyunjin doesn't want Felix to catch a cold. Then Hyunjin ruffles Felix's hair and holds his hand happily.

He loves how all three of them cuddle before drifting off to sleep. He loves how Hyunjin stares at him like he's his universe. Felix feels special when he's with Hyunjin. He hopes that Hyunjin feels the same.


Felix loves what they have. Better said...what they used to have.

Hyunjin has been acting distant for a while. 'Maybe I upset him...'-Felix thinks sometimes. He can't recall if they argued the past days. Did Hyunjin not like Felix's brownies anymore? He also hasn't seen Kkami running around the house lately. Perhaps Hyunjin took the dog to his parents' house? He must be really upset then...

But Felix plans on fixing their relationship. He cooked dinner and is now waiting for Hyunjin. He cleaned the whole house and picked some white roses from their garden to decorate the place. 

It's eight when Felix's eyes land on the clock.
"He should be here any minute!" he exclaims to no one in particular. 

He walks into the kitchen to check if everything is all right. The table is neatly arranged, plates full of rice and meat are laid out. Felix even prepared salad since Hyunjin mentioned that he wants to integrate healthy food into his diet.

Felix claps his hands eagerly with a wide smile. Though time keeps passing, and Hyunjin is not home yet. The boy glances at the clock every five seconds, hoping that the front door would swing open sooner. But it doesn't.

"Kkami!" Felix shouts, calling their dog. But Kkami is nowhere in sight. "Kkami? Come here, pup." he calls out, with his voice trembling slightly. His heart pace accelerates, making it more difficult to breathe. 

He heads towards the hallway, where all of Hyunjin's paintings are hung on the walls. March 23, March 24, March 25...the trail stops after that. Felix furrows his brows. It's December now. Where are all the other paintings he was supposed to receive?

Felix falls on his knees, feeling like his whole world crumbled. His whole body feels numb suddenly; "You're not coming home, any more...right? You are not...coming back to...me?" he whispers as tears cascade down his cheeks. His head is pounding hard, the sharp pain causing Felix to squeeze his eyes shut. He hugs his knees, holding his head with both of his hands. Images flash in front of his eyes as he slowly loses touch with everything around him.


It all made sense now;

Why he missed Hyunjin's warm embrace every morning;
Why they didn't walk to work together anymore;
Why the studio was closed;
Why Hyunjin didn't surprise him with paintings like he used to;
Why they didn't go on walks with Kkami anymore;
Why he didn't receive a good-night kiss anymore.

-Because they're both gone; Hyunjin and Kkami. And there is no way of bringing them back.

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