Those Who Dream of Freedom (Scaramouche x fem!reader)

Chapter 20 ☆ Mixed feelings

☆ y/n

"This is the fifth time you yawn in twenty minutes," Scaramouche says as he approaches me to give me a sideways swipe with his sword.

But I manage to parry it at the last moment.

"I just want to get a better feel of this clean forest air," I say as I yawn again, for the sixth time now.

But in reality, I couldn't sleep a wink all night. The whole time I was thinking about what I'd found out and I couldn't calm down no matter how hard I tried.

Scaramouche attacks again, this time lunging at me with a frontal blow, and his sword slams into mine, much to his surprise. I use that moment of shock to twist around, ending up a few steps away from him.

"It's not like you to run away," he says.

I don't answer. I settle back into a fighting stance, ready for another round.

My mind, however, is only half paying attention to what's going on. When I came to training, despite everything I found out last night, I knew I was just hurting myself. Scaramouche is part of Fatui, whether he tells me directly or not, that fact is undeniable. A lot of things lead to this truth, from the smallest to the most important.

I also know that because he is one of them, his stay in this city is short-lived. He'll leave at some point and definitely won't come back.

The thought of his possible departure makes me sad, but I'm not at all surprised. After all, before I discovered that Scaramouche is actually my enemy, he was my friend, and part of me still considers him my friend, even if it feels wrong to feel that way, even if it isn't. But if I'm the only one who sees our relationship as friendship, that's another story.

Scaramouche makes a move I didn't see until then, but I manage to dodge it, but not without getting off balance. He says nothing as I fall on the ground. I'm on my feet in no time and we get back to work, continuing our fight.

I can feel a storm brewing inside me. The things I learned last night are fighting with the things I've learned about him over the last month. My feelings about him are also fighting, not knowing which one I should listen to. Would it be best to run away? Or to keep believing that it wasn't all an act?

My optimistic half tells me that I don't know much about him and he doesn't know much about me, but that these things haven't stopped us from becoming friends, despite how we met. I don't feel the anger I felt then at all, a proof of the fact that even the most incompatible people can get along.

But my other half, the negative one, tells me that none of it was real, that he was just pretending, that it was all a lie, and that his mission is more important than our friendship, which is only in my head anyway. But if it's true and that Scaramouche I spent the last month with was nothing but a lie, then I want to keep being lied to.

"Focus!" Scaramouche shouts and I realize I've lost the fight.

"Sorry."

He looks at me as he moves his training sword from one hand to the other.

"You seem out of sorts."

"I'm just a little tired, "I lie. "After all, we were pretty busy yesterday."

"Every day we train we are quite busy, but the next day you were always full of life."

I arch both my eyebrows after he says that.

"You mean you've been paying attention?"

"It would have been impossible not to notice, since for the past month we've spent almost every moment together."