Bruises

Just free

A tear falls down her cheek. The pressure in her chest is building up. But she's tough. So she wipes the tear that sits on her chin, just waiting to fall. The bruises on her heart ache, but she picks her head up. 'Come at me world. I'm tough. I can handle anything you throw at me' she thinks.

Watching her little siblings, she knows she never wants them to feel this pain. To feel like they always have to be on their feet in defense mode. Another tear falls.

Down stairs, her mother is drinking away her sorrows. She's going to forget that she has a husband, children, and just drink away her sorrows.

Somewhere far away, her father is going to "make love" with someone random. A girl who has no respect for herself, big breasts enhanced by plastic surgeons, and a air of self confidence, ensured by her fake platinum blonde hair. He will, for a good portion of night, sneak into fake bliss and arrive home tomorrow reeking of sex and anger.

My little sisters will be happy and cheerful. They will be curious as the mark on my cheek, when the light will shine across it. But I will not tell them what it is. No I shall keep their minds innocent and fresh. They are twins. Only 6 years old. Two twin girls, with dark black hair that is wavy and soft. They have beautiful blue eyes that sparkle like the ocean on a clear day. They're slightly round still fresh from baby fat. Abbey likes to read books. She reads all the time, the same books over and over since I can't afford to buy her new ones. Abbey could probably tell repeat the books to me word for word without any help. There's only so many times you can read Rainbow Fish. But then, we have Hailey. She's quiet. Yet she loves to be outside. Especially in one tree in particular. It's a tall oak that sits in the front of our yard. The branches show age from thickness and height. It's a stable tree. When I can spare the time to take the girls outside without mom or dad yelling at us, Hailey bolts for the tree. She always waits at the base with her big blue eyes begging to climb it. After I give the approval, she scales up that tree like a monkey. Abbey will spread out a little blanket and read her books. Hailey does whatever she does in the tree, climbing higher and higher. When this happens, I try to study for school.

But for now, their angelic faces are peaceful and in La La Land. I kiss their foreheads, glad neither woke up from the screaming.

I pull my heavy gray hoodie over my head. I stretch my arms out, letting the bruises on my arms get some air. Careful to make no noise, I grab some pajamas and go to the bathroom. I release the building pressure in my bladder. Grabbing a wash cloth from under the sink, I set out the things I need for a shower. Quickly I rush in, wash my hair, careful not to make much more noise then nessecary. For a second, I let the hot water rush down my body. Scrubbing away the remnants of tonight. I gingerly wash my face. There's a sting on my cheek, starting at my temple and working its way down to my jaw line.

I get out and dry off. I pull on a pair of comfy soffee shorts and a large t shirt. I grab my clothes from earlier and ball them up. I brush my teeth and my eye lids start to get heavy. But I'm not done yet. I tip toe back to my room.

Once inside and my clothes discarded, I kneel by the window.

"God, thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you for waking up Abbey and Hailey. Thank you for making this earth beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

I pause. I wipe a tear from my eyes, before reclosing them.

"God, I don't know what your plan is for me. But I trust you. I trust Your Judgement. Do what you need to do. I know it'll always be better in the end. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

I get up off my knees and rub the silver cross that hangs from my neck. In the moonlight, I can see the reflection on the floor; it's swinging from my sudden motion, but somehow, it comforts for me. Layin my head down on the wall for a second, I feel an overwhelming sense of tiredness wash over me like waves at the beach. I walk over to the spot on the rug I sleep on. Pulling a blanket and pillow from under the bed, I make my bed and crawl in immediately. Within seconds, sleep takes over pulling me into a soft darkness where there's no abuse or lying and I can be a teenager.

Well, not a teenager. Just free.