Bruises

Tired but still kicking

*Ashlee's POV*

I have to wonder what it would be like, to live in another persons life. Would I still be the same guarded person? Would I still hide in the library, during everyone else's favorite time of the year? How is that even fair? Since I started high school, or really school in general, I've always hidden in the bathrooms or library's during lunch. At least then, I didn't have to face people. I could keep my mind away in La La Land without interruptions. But if I had ever eaten lunch where everyone else did, they could see my bruise. They could witness something I couldn't let them see. And so, despite how hot it could get, I always wore my heavy jacket that covered my body and hid in the restrooms. But, today as I hid in the cleanest stall I could find, I felt my heart grow heavy. Yet here I am, in a green stall with black graffiti on the walls and a toilet that smells like AIDS, hiding away and wishing I could be someone else. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to hide in here, where it's hot; where the intoxication comes not from drugs, but from the stench of the bathrooms. Maybe I can go to the library today...... It's Tuesday. They should be open....... Maybe I should stay here where no one can see me. I sigh. I don't want to be here.

I really hope that Abbey and Hayley never feel this way. It would break my heart. They shouldn't ever have to feel this way, like they have to choke on the smell of toilet water or endlessly watch the words on the wall that never seem to disappear despite how much the janitorial staff try to cleanse the stall walls. They should be able to eat with people and not hide the scars of what their abusive father is really like. They should have good memories and always have God by their sides. I will make sure of that.

"God, I know You're busy and all, but please take a moment and make sure my little girls are okay. I hope You're keeping them happy and healthy; I hope You're keeping them safe from harms way, despite them only being at school. Thank You for sending such beautiful young girls into the world. I wish they could have more, but we are all only apart of Your plan, and I am thankful I get to have them. You've done a great job making this world. I don't always understand Your plans, but thank you for everything You've given me, everything You haven't given me, and everything that could or could not come into my life. Please protect my family, and I hope You know, that I am Your Servant. In Jesus name I pray, Amen." I raise my head from my bowing position and I unclasp my hands. My heart feels slightly better and I rub the cross around my neck. Everything is going to be fine, Ash. Things have to get better eventually. Don't worry.

My knees start to hurt while I reassure myself things are going to be okay. I've been kneeling for half an hour. Lunch will be over in 5 minutes anyways, why don't we go for a quick walk with the empty hallways? I'm talking to myself of course, but who cares? I'm the only person who talks to me anyways. So I respond to myself by rising from my knees, tossing my bag onto my right shoulder, and unlocking the stall I'm in. A girl is puckering her lips in mirror when I exit and I try my best not to stare or judge her. Why should I wonder about her and the five pounds of makeup on her face? Oh right. It's rude. Shame on you Ashlee. I bow my head. What is wrong with me today??! Welllll..... If you must know the only different thing that's happened, is a cute new boy has shown up! He was pretty cute wasn't he? Yes he was, and he looked interested in you.... You shouldn't notice things like that; he probably wanted a friend. Why would it be so bad to have a friend? It wouldn't! Yes it would and you know it!! Whhhyyyyyy? Because friends might notice your strange behavior and figure out your story. But if they figured it out and told, then wouldn't all the horrors stop? Maybe, and you run the risk of losing the girls to foster homes. Are you willing to risk that? Not a chance on God's green Earth.

I feel my heart sink like the Titanic, sorrowful and desperate. It seems like there is no hope for me and my friendless life. As I fight resentment, I let my feet walk without me thinking. Before I know it, I'm in front of the one place I don't want to ever go to... The Cafeteria.

I stare at the window doors and the foggy and fingerprinted glass. Inside people are having so much fun, the anticipation of what would happen if I walk in mounts with every second and I almost feel giddy with excitement.

But reality slaps me hard in the face, as I realize I can't go in there. But I have to wonder about my sudden interest to go in..? You know exactly what it is Ashlee. I sigh. I know I do. I'm just not ready to admit it. And can you blame me? I've never felt this way!

While I must have looked like an idiot with that mental image going through my head, I wonder if something is wrong with me.

But before I can come up with an answer, someone pushes open the door I'm standing in front of. Looking down, my hand is on the door handle. Someone is about to push on the door. They push hard from the other side without realizing I'm behind the door.

Within a heart beat, I am on my back and there is a dead weight across my body. I can't breathe. Someone get this thing off of me. I can't move! "Airrrr......" I gasp quietly. The body on top of me moves and I can breathe. I quickly take in as much air as I can. I feel my muscles relax from sudden almost suffocation position. I sit up.

Before anything, a certain aroma assaults my nose.

I love the smell almost immediately.

I open my eyes and there in front of me is.......

-Authors Note: CLIFFHANGER!!!!! :) thanks to anyone who's reading... And for the record, I would love a vote or a comment. Thanks! Love you!-