† everything i hate about creepypasta †

so two years ago i wrote a pretentious parody of creepypasta fanfiction

And I reread it tonight, and it's honestly kind of funny - so I thought I'd share it here. The character being used was my favorite OC at the time, and she was canonically a mean manipulative lesbian who stalks paranormal creatures. 

This isn't really a rant or an essay, just an overly pretentious version of Creepypasta x OC fics that I binge read two years ago. Enjoy <3

BLURB
[creepypasta x oc parody] The Author has gone mad. Poison has infected their story, and it's up to our protagonist and her many love interests to solve the misery that's affecting their lives for all eternity. The plot must be saved - or else all shall be lost.

01. runaway

'I hate all of you!'

Mikko slammed the door closed, body shaking intensely under the impact of unexplained rage. She stomped upstairs, all the way to the attic - her room. As an angsty teenager with a god complex, she had to look down upon her family strategically, without having to interact with such slimy peasants. That knowledge is a well-known fact amongst teens that like or look like Ted Bundy.

The redhead locked her door once she was in and shoved a chair in front of it for a dramatic effect.

She took place om her black bed, skulls and illegal weaponry surrounding the 14-year old Queen of Darkness.

Why she was angry shall never be properly explained. It's only to show that Mikko has a bad bond with her family so that the audience can cheer along when the love-interest kills them off.

Mikko took her brand new phone with the Joker on it out of her jean pocket (cool girls never wear skirts) and put My Chemical Romance on, blasting it through the house.

'Micaela! Turn that noise down!' her terrible mother screamed from the foot of the stairs.

Mikko groaned in annoyance, and being the petty protagonist she is, now turned up "Welcome to the Black Parade" to full volume.

"This place is awful," Mikko melodramatically thought to herself, "I should run away impulsively. At least that is vaguely in character for me to do, unlike each and every other action I'm participating in in this story."

So, our redheaded anti-hero got up from the bed silently. Leaving her phone behind (it being one of the few intelligent decisions she makes) she walked to her closet. Despite being in a practical outfit, for as much as we can assume, it's not iconic and gothic enough. She put on fishnet tights with stockings over them, striped black and white. Over that was a skirt (but like, a cool one, not a slutty one, she's not like other girls) with crosses on them. Over that was a black polo shirt with fishnet sleeves, and a white vest with black skulls on it over that. A choker, some spiky accessories and some fingerless gloves made the finishing touches, and she was ready to run away from home!

Mikko put on her extra emo Converse All-Stars up to the knee, didn't bother to pack a bag with necessities (because that would be too smart), and climbed out of the window like that's a normal thing to do.

The house was directly connected to the forest despite not being in the midst of it, so Mikko walked out of her backyard into the woods.

These woods were infamous for horrible events - such as branches falling off trees onto people and staking them right there and then. (Which totally happens, but only when it's convenient for Mikko's love life)

"Imagine something worse than trees in there," Mikko thought, "Would I be lucky enough to encounter such thing? Or is true entertainment just a myth made up by society?"

Immediately, as if it was fate, a branch cracked. Mikko turned around and stood face to face with a random old man that serves no purpose to the plot whatsoever and will get no physical description, therefore.