† everything i hate about creepypasta †

i unpublished the original chapter but here's a rule of thumb for murder

Once upon a time, I wrote and published a first essay on here where I complained about the unrealistic portrayals of murder scenes in Creepypasta stories. Then I unpublished it because I didn't like my phrasing. Yet, I feel I need to share my unasked for opinions with Wattpad dot com lest anyone forgets about me, so I will rewrite some of my initial chapters... Sort of. I'll tackle the same subjects, at least.

Alright, so, what I said two(?) years ago was that I HATE unrealistic murder scenes in fiction. I faintly exaggerated my own knowledge of forensics in it too, but that's besides the point. I'm slightly less delusional today (and only today - tomorrow I will go back to full maximum delusions of grandeur). I pointed at a story very obviously written by a child, because I at the time felt great proximity to that stage in life, having never been an adult before (I just turned 18, so to most readers that may seem mature, buuuut to me now I think I was quite young. I felt more similar to age 16 than I did 20). But now I am an adult (a very young one, and nevertheless, I am), and I just don't really care as much anymore. I'm no longer consuming that type of story. I could analyze poorly written gore by adults, I could, but I have better things to waste my time on.

Nevertheless, whenever I see something so obviously wrong regarding muder scenes, I laugh. This chapter will and must be very, very brief (UPDATE: I failed, it's 1000 words now), as I am simply not in the mood to rile myself up over things I can't be bothered to care about.

So, here is a rule of thumb for writing more believable murder scenes:

- Killing a person is a lot harder than it seems, because bodies are designed to live.

- Likewise, killing a person is a lot easier than it seems - when targeting its weak spots.

(It can't withstand as much torture as some of you seem to think. Especially not once you start removing someone's vital organs.)

This may seem vague, but, I'd recommend you research the specifics of the murder method you're letting your killer use so you can then write it out properly. If you fuck it up at first, no biggy. Creepypasta as a fandom has very low standards. It's hard to be the worst in here - it's likely better than Laughing Jack still (and you'll be a better person than its creator, too!).

That said, I honestly prefer the creativity of a teenage amateur trying to construct the craziest murder scene possible over a dull story with an anonymous narrator trying and failing to get deep into the head of a killer who kills a strange old woman with an axe without any further plot to it.* At least the teenager's writing has potential, it has a soul. It may be poorly executed, but usually there's an idea, at least. The latter type of story (which isn't nearly as disturbing as the most hyped up variants are said to be) gets so carried away with trying to characterize the blandest character ever that it forgets to do anything interesting. And it's usually written by someone who doesn't seem to understand how to actually get into someone else's brain, much less write about it. (I myself may have written a story that was a lot like this, unfortunately. I'm a good writer now, though, pinky promise.) I may not like rip-offs of Jeff the Killer, or Eyeless Jack, or literally whomever, but I am also acutely aware that most of these are written by people under the age of 14 who are still learning to understand the genre. I don't enjoy reading these fics. I will not do it for my enjoyment. I'm well aware there's little variety in these stories in terms of themes and writing style, and I do roll my eyes the moment "organs pour out" of someone's stomach after the killer makes an incision. But I'm no longer dumpster diving among these stories, so I just don't feel any kind of thing about them anymore unless I force myself to read a bunch of them (after which I'm sure I'd hate them as much as anyone else again and I would also go insane).

I know I must sound like a very boring person without all my home made rage at the Creepypasta fandom, but fret not! You will be boring in that regard one day too. You will know peace. Probably. Unless you're a particular brand of nerd guy in this fandom, then probably not, for some reason you guys don't move on the same way - but someone's gotta do it, so I'm saluting you lot of pathetic soldiers. I admire the passion and energy that you guys have for something even if I wish it'd not be used for bullying preteen girls on DeviantArt.

That being said, I will be repeating my tip to just research the thing you're trying to write, because if even the untrained eye knows something is unrealistic, it's as annoying as a grammatical error. But also remember to have fun with your murder scenes! This is one of the few times you get to freely, without any shame or guilt, think about how you want to plan this sort of thing. The way a character chooses to go about a kill can say a lot about who they are (brutal and impulsive murder = lots of repressed anger), even if the method they end up using is cartoonishly ridiculous (like putting pur foam in one's mouth and nose) and meant to be laughed at. In the end it's only Creepypasta fanfiction. It's not that serious. If you love the genre and you really love writing to the point you consider getting published, it can prepare you for horror as a whole - but in and of itself, these kinds of scenes are only practice. There's no need for me to complain like I paid to read it, and honestly, I wish people would be less dramatic about teenagers' first attempts at writing an objectively difficult to write genre that deals with a lot of situations and feelings no one ever experiences in real life. Just let them have fun, for God's sake!

[This chapter is very loosely jointed as I wrote it over several days, so if it seems messy, that's why lmao.]

* = I no longer agree with my phrasing here as I think it is too self-deprecating and could be articulated better. My point now I would explain as this:

I am tired of reading imperfect stories by beginning authors who are so afraid of making mistakes that they end up telling stories they think other people will approve of. I don't prefer reading bad stories, by no means - but if the story is going to be by an amateur anyway, I think it's sad when said amateur limits their creativity for the sake of being taken seriously. The story written by a younger writer may be worse in every other aspect, but I think it's a necessity to write what your heart desires, not what you think will make others approve of your creations. You'll typically present the most boring variant of your story possible like that because you're trying to please everyone. As is, sometimes, you just need to do the crazier version of the tale, even if people might say it's too much. You have no clue how murder works? Great, most people have no realistic field of reference for this anyway. Go for the way you actually want to write. You'll fix it later. You're still learning anyway.

(Originally this chapter was written May 30 2024. An edit was made on August 13 2024)