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TLDR: I consoled my grieving mother as I gazed towards the coffin where my little brother laid.

I leaned over his coffin and whispered, "I told you I would always be mother's favourite."

I watched as droplets fell from the sky, almost as if the heavens were grieving together with my family and guests, over the loss of my little brother.

"James, come in, you'll get soaked," croaked my mother.

I turned around and felt my heart twinge at the sight of her puffy red eyes and dried tear streaks on her cheeks.

It'll pass.

I reminded myself.

Pain is temporary.

I chanted in my head as I ran into my mother's arms and squeezed her tight, in hopes that it'll help to lessen the pain she's feeling right now.

"What were you doing out there under the rain? You could've caught a cold. Go to your room and change your clothes. " My mother nagged at me as she ran her fingers through my damp hair.

I nodded my head as I rubbed against my mother's stomach, then left the embrace of my mother to change my clothes.

As I made my way to my room, I received a chorus of condolences for my loss and I felt a foreign feeling bubble in my chest. I've never felt something like this before, and as much as it scared me it felt strangely addictive.

Maybe it's because it's been a while since I've been the centre of attention.

After changing my clothes, I headed into my little brother's room and stood in the middle. It wasn't long ago that this room felt noisy, but now it's so quiet.

It feels empty.

With the absence of my little brother, maybe they'll soon empty the room of his belongings, and it'll be like he was never part of our family.

Almost as if, he never existed.

My body felt light, as that thought rampaged through my mind.

It wasn't until I heard the faint call of my mother, that I left the room and went back downstairs, joining everyone in the final prayer.

"Come James, say goodbye to Dennis."

I silently nodded my head and walked towards his open casket.

Luckily, it was low enough for me to look in without needing to stand on my toes. I gazed down at my brother's still body, took a moment to organise the thoughts in my head, then leaned over and whispered into his ear, "I told you I would always be mother's favourite."

My fingers tenderly brushed his fringe to the side, before I moved away, giving the next person in line the chance to bid farewell to him.

The rest of the proceedings seemed to fly by, as I sat by the wall, watching the adults do adult work. When I rejoined them once more, it was to lower his casket beneath the soil. The adults mentioned something about how pitiful my little brother is, passing at such a young age. But all I could think about, was how deep his casket was being lowered into the ground.

It's quite deep.

I watched silently, as they filled up the hole with soil, as every guest leave after sharing their final condolences.

No one noticed, while I was left on my own staring at my little brother's grave, the small smile and the satisfaction glowing in my eyes knowing that even if he could move again, no one would ever hear him.

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