Trained For Sins (on hold)

Chapter 34

My eyes opened to the first light of dawn. Something felt strange yet familiar, I looked up from sleeping on his chest to see him watching me. I smiled at him watching his every feature taking him in.

"Next time, don't hold back your screams," Cruz said watching me. Stunned, my mouth opened in horror. I tried to speak but I could not. I quickly got out of the bed wrapping the sheets around me before flashbacks of the last two days flashed in my mind.

Fuck! what have I done? I felt disgusted by myself. I slept with Cruz at his engagement party.

"What next time? you are engaged, last night was a mistake," I spat with venom. Cruz saw the change in my behavior, his face morphed into something; regret, anger, and maybe something else too.

Cruz quickly got out of the bed, his length wide awake, I turned my face around just not to see it. He seemed to have sensed my discomfort when he quickly threw his pants on.

"Our nights were never a mistake to me, Veronica," Cruz mumbled.

"Get out Cruz Walker," I said cruelly, "The door is over there," I pointed out.

without the blink of an eye, I was caged to the door, Cruz leaned in breathing down my neck, I felt goosebumps took over my skin with his breath fanning over. I took a deep breath calming myself down. Don't do anything stupid Veronica, I yelled to myself.

"Kiss me, give me that much," Cruz mumbled in my ear, nibbling down on my earlobe. That was when all hell broke loose, something inside my brain ticked off, with my every force I pushed him, startled he moved away looking at me in shock.

"So what? I was just someone you could pass time with?" I lashed out.

"Veronica, please listen to me," Cruz sighted.

"What could you possibly have left to say. I can't believe I helped you cheat on your fiancée. I think that's what you get for cheating too," I scoffed, rolling my eyes to myself, saying the last part to myself.

"Veronica," He begged desperately.

"You know what Cruz Walker. I have been everything but a whore. Even now, I slept with you knowing that your fiancée is out there waiting for you," my eyes prickled, tears brimming. I tried looking anywhere but him. Cruz started approaching me, I retreated back. His face fell down, he looked hurt but I could not let him be near me.

"You are not. You're so much more than that to me, you know that. I fell in love with you, V. I love you. That fire in you made me fall in love with you the moment I walked through that bar and saw you. I love you." I sniffled, my heartfelt something else at that point but mostly hurt. there was a desperation, a longing in his voice.

"Maybe you should not have fallen for me. Maybe that was the mistake," as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I regretted it almost immediately. but this was me, my kind of defense mechanism.

The look on his face broke me. He had tears in his eyes. It broke us both, but I needed to do what should be done. We had to get over each other no matter how painful it would have been. He should be with his fiancée. The scar he put on me would make me disappoint my father again. I would break up with Micheal the day I land in New York. this was my punishment, no happiness, just being alone.

"I'm leaving right now, Veronica," Cruz reached the door opening it, "But I will not give it," he left with that. I broke down after, I cried and cried. I let out all the pains, all the feelings I had been hiding since last night. They all came out strong.

I cried more when reminiscing the moment he told me that he was in love with me. I am capable of love? People can love me? I always thought no one was going to love me. I was happy when it lasted but everything had an end, no matter how sweet or beautiful it was.

The day my twin died marked the day I would forever be alone. We shared a womb together, without her, there was no me. I was just surviving a day after another.

I walked into the bathroom and stopped by the mirror. I watched my wretched, completely miserable reflection. I looked like a complete mess, my hair disheveled, bags under my eyes from crying too much, and a red face.

I scoffed, this was what I deserved, and we all get what we deserve one way or another. I felt every good emotion that existed in the world only for it to be snatched away from me in a second. Was it worth it? I did not know. Was all I experienced with Cruz worth the heartbreak.

'You are pathetic, Veronica,' I said to myself. How could you do that? did you not realize what you were doing? Why did you think you were going to be happy in your life after causing so much pain? You destroyed people's homes, you destroy families in court? What did you expect?

As all those thoughts passed through my mind, I lost the self-control I had over myself. I screamed throwing everything from the counter. I removed the bedsheet from myself, slumped down, and started crying all over again.

One last time Veronica, you are not going to cry again. I warned myself. After a while when I felt numb again for the number of times that I had lost count for, I got up and filled the bathtub with cold water.

I got in once it filled up, I took a deep breath, feeling the cold water prickling my skin. I took one more breath, holding it before submerging my head inside, drowning all my thoughts. I felt calm, it was like I was free for a moment but still chained. I closed my eyes thinking of clownfishes, I dreamed of me being in the ocean and touching a clownfish, it looked so beautiful with the only ray of sunshine penetrated the water.

I emerged from the water when I urgently needed air, I took deep breaths calming my racing heart. I slowly got up from the bathtub, water running down to the tiles, I walked to my closet and took out a long white flowy dress.

I hugged my legs, resting my head on my knees, looking outside to the ocean. I always loved the ocean, it was so deep and held so many secrets, perhaps so many that until the end of human existence no one would find out everything it has to offer. The secrets that maybe even the greatest technology would not be able to discover, just like the brain, are so simple yet so complex to be understood.

I appreciated the sun shining on my skin, probably making it red or tanned or both. The soft breeze blowing on my skin and my hair.

Again this time, I was disturbed by the knock on the door, I took a few moments to myself closing my eyes before getting up and opening the door.

"Candice? what are you doing here?" I cleared my throat but my voice still came out hoarse from crying. She looked nervous, fiddling with her fingers, she got inside without saying anything.

"I am so sorry for barging in, but I was nervous, and I did not know who to talk to," she said nervously.

"Yeah ok, sure," even I was confused at this point, I could not look at her in the eyes.

"wow, is that you?" she asked looking at my completed painting Cruz made of me.

"Yeah," I whispered nervously.

"He seems to love you," Candice said, admiring my naked portray to which I only scoffed.

"Anyways, I have to tell you something," she seemed nervous again.

"Ok," I was unsure at this point.

"I'm pregnant," She said loud and clear. My eyes went to her belly where she used her hand to cover it.

-oh my god, you guyss,
Today on 14 Oct 2021, we are #3 on cruise 😭😭
I'm so happy, thanks to all of you, I appreciate each and everyone of you. Keep shining.