Behind Ross & Rachel

The one where Ross finds out (2x07)

AN: I actually was terrified to do this iconic scene after Jen and David talked about it and I have chickened out of posting it a million times. But this whole collection would be pointless without this, so in order to move on, this is me ripping the band-aid off. Hope you like it...

When walking on set this morning, his heart had been pounding like never before in his acting career. Not even when he had hit the stage with his impro crew during college for the first time, not knowing what exactly was going to happen. Today, he had known EXACTLY what was going to happen. And that had him on edge.

It had been around one and half years of working with HER.

After realizing that their crushes were indeed mutual, they had at first been tiptoeing around each other, before falling into a routine of platonic cuddles and harmless flirting, without taking it beyond that.

The few brief kisses they had shared for the show did not even deserve to be called that, but still had been special moments for both of them.

Until the end of the first season, they had just let things roll like this, before parting ways for a some time  when shooting for season 2 was scheduled to begin.

He had thought that over that time his feelings for her would pass somehow, but he realized that this was not going to happen when he still felt like a part of his heart was missing after a few weeks had passed.

From the finale of the first season, it was relatively clear that things between Ross and Rachel were bound to be intensifying over the course of season 2, and that the 2 of them probably would get together at some point.

He vividly remembered a talk they had in the privacy of his dressing room, in a certain way for the first time adressing their feelings for one another.

After filling each other in on what they had been up to during the summer, Jen suddenly had admitted, kind of out of the blue:

"I missed you"

Surprised, he muttered "I missed you, too."

She looked at him "So, this is REALLY taking up some speed now... Ross and Rachel, I mean..."

"I think so! Wow..."

"You know... I don't know how I feel about that. I mean it is lovely to be the central romance on a show that is such a huge hit, and I really love the characters... but for some reason I think it would be such a bummer if the first time you and I REALLY kiss will be on national television..."

He had not even been able to process this, and had just looked hat her dumbfounded. He never expected her to admit that there was something between them out loud just like that. He stumbled on his words, not knowing what to say, and only after the moment had passed and she left the room, looking sad (god, he could not even recall how that conversation ended), he came to realize what this was: This had been her, asking him to do it then, there in privacy, like it should have been with them, instead of sharing that moment with the camera.

And she had been right! Even though it would be wrong to jump into anything for them, they at least deserved to share this intimate moment just between the two of them, and not with a live audience and a set of cameras.

But somehow, there had not been a chance again, maybe because she avoided to get burned another time or maybe because she came to the conclusion that this was not a good idea after all... and he regretted that he had been this stupid.

But now, the day had come... today would be the day of Ross and Rachel's first kiss. THEIR first kiss. Infornt of a camera. What a bummer.

He managed to get through all other scenes, about cats and answering machine messages, just fine. The day even had gone rather smoothly and that came as a surprise given his current state of mind.

He was entering the dimly lit coffeehouse set now, Jen as Rachel rummaging around as to close the place off.

"I didn't get a cat." He stated matter of factly.

"That's interesting?" Jen replied.

"No, no that is not interesting, it is actually 100% completely the opposite of interesting."

This was his line that spun up an argument about who was in the wrong about admitting the feelings they had and who was wrong for not doing it time.

After a short exchange, he stormed off, and Jen... Rachel... was left heartbroken after locking up the door behind him.

After a few seconds he returned looking at her through the locked door.

Even if he knew that they just faked this fight, his heart ached when he saw she was cupping her face in her palms, trying to regain composure. He felt sorry that he was not able to catch her plea days earlier and had let it come to this. This should not happen like this.

But he sure as hell would make most of it, and just blend out every other person around them. This was about THEM and about nobody else. He put all of these emotions into his eyes, hoping to make her see.

When she walked up to the door, to let him back in, he could see that she understood. He could not wait for the door to open and to take her into his arms, when he heard the rattle of the door she was not supposed to be able to open.

Another rattle.

"Try the bottom one" he said, looking down at the lock.

Jen leant down to unlock the lock at the bottom of the door, before pulling it open.

After looking at each other for a second, he closed the gap between them, and really, to him, everything around him turned into a blurry mess when he put his hands on her waist, pulled her closer to him, her hands touching his face, and landed his lips on hers with an unknown urgency.

He felt like he was about to catch fire when he felt her reciporcate the kiss. When she moved her lips against his, it did not even remotely feel like a professional kiss for the camera like he used to know them. This was different and addicting and he did not think that he could ever stop.

He had never felt such intensity with one kiss before, let alone not in one that was not even supposed to be real. This was supposed to be an illusion for the audience and not his personal gate to heaven... or was it hell? He was not sure about that and he did  not even care, he simply took it all in.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard someone yell cut, and after dragging the moment out for a second longer, he managed to pull away and catch his breath again.

He looked into Jens eyes, seeing a reflection of his own feelings, when his surroundings began to creep up to him again.

There was the audience, cheering for the scene they had just witnessed, there were the cameras... and there was his regret for not sharing this moment earlier with her in private. Even though he had to admit that he was not sure how that would have ended.

All he could do was whisper the words "I'm sorry" to her, stroking her cheek.