Burn Me

11: Cracks, Crevices, and Slits

She was quite fond of libraries. She knew the royal library held far much more diverse and ancient history but the Training Sector library would have to suffice for now. Her curious fingers touched the soft and dry pages of every book within reach. Scaling up and down the shelves, grabbing stacks of books when she wanted.

Her wardrobe fitting for Saturday night's interview had passed long hours ago. Blare and Kenya remained in their dorm, painting nails and picking out party outfits— quite possibly the most girlish thing to ever imagine.

The new-found group of girls wanted to celebrate passing the first week of the competition by a night out on the town. A fancy dinner, some good booze, a popular club, probably a BO-smelling taxi ride, and a cold but ever-so- orgasmic pizza ending their night. It sounded amazing to Lily, her and her friends only went out for holidays or birthday parties. And when they did they had fun, but never too much fun. Never the type of mind-blowing, unforgettable, sensational types of nights you could have with money.

Sadly, she had to reject said party-plans due to previous commitments. Commitments she didn't know why she agreed to— but also knew exactly why she had agreed to.

Like she told Blare on Wednesday night, or at least was thinking about with Blare that night... Lily was isolated. She didn't really know if she was doing it intentionally. Or not. Probably both— she concluded. The late nights, early rises, personal questions, detailed answers... they were all separating her from the group.

She was extroverted, she did like people and parties and energetic atmospheres. But she valued alone time, and personal space. She valued deep thought and complex ideas. She admired abstract thinking and mind-shaping theories. She hated to say it— but not even Maren could ever understand what she was talking about or trying to process sometimes.

Perhaps Lily thought she was only isolated now because of everything that happened— but maybe— just maybe— she was already isolated to begin with.

The night was dark and peaceful. Clouds of snowy rain passed through the tall and towering glass windows. The warmth from her cardigan and her own heat were enough to keep her temperature at bay. She had been in the library for three hours. The first hour was purely exploration. Digging in the cracks and crevices for secrets and keys. Testing out cushions and squeaky ladders that she could climb to the top of. The second hour was a combination of picking books off the shelves that had something to do with palace rules and Terra values and studying them intensely.

Even her vigorous colour coded, different fonted notes were useless when she searched for her answer.

The third hour was snacking on dry biscuits from a small tray of food and recreational reading. Old books and texts she had never seen before or heard of. The large hall could make a pencil drop sound like an opera singer. The echoes were immaculate and the dust— and there was dust— didn't make her allergies flare up but just comforted her.

Alone, in a big library, reading books, drinking tea, rain pouring on the windows— it was straight from a fairytale.

"Usually this would be the part in the book where the main character realizes she can't find what she's looking for by playing it safe and decides to go search for answers within the forbidden palace rooms..." she spoke to no one.

Her left arm spread across a large book on Terra history and sports rules while her right one held her head up from dropping on the page. It was clear she was tired of the reading and the notes— it was clear that Blare's suggestion did not work and in fact— had only created one more space for Lily to escape to. One more space to be isolated.

"That's not a bad idea..." she concludes to herself, sitting up and slamming the book closed.

She blows out the torches she lit herself and places the books back where she found them to avoid anyone looking at her recent reads. But something told her no one had been in here thus far. After cleaning up her table space and exhaling a deep breath, she peeped out into the dark hallway and took a lantern with her.