My Life Story. (Mental Health Awareness)

i'm sick of myself.

!TW! Mentions of $t4rvat10n and b"lly1ng.

I think I started to hate my body when all I heard was the word 'fat'. I think I started to hate my body when I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror. The bullying got worse and I didn't realise it was bullying because I was only about 6/7 years old. I couldn't recognise it was bullying because I was so young and I think, when the realisation hit, that I was bullied for two years it really sunk in. 

I wasn't able to stand up for myself until I was 11. I was scared and I'm very thankful that my older sibling was there to stand up for me when I couldn't stand up for myself. For a couple years, my older sibling kept saying to me, "you are going to have to start standing up for yourself." So, a year after they stopped saying that, it finally sank in. I had to start standing up for myself or everyone will just see me as an easy target. I mean, everyone does think I'm an easy target. But, I did start standing up for myself. As much as I can. It's always been hard for me to stand up for myself, and I don't know why. I can stand up for other people perfectly fine. It's not an issue. But, when it comes to myself, wow, that's a whole other story..

"That's why everyone thinks I'm an easy target. I mean look at me, I'm more ugly than everyone and everything on the earth combined," I said to myself as I looked my body from head to toe. I had this "plan" in Primary, where, I wasn't going to eat breakfast or lunch. One meal. Everyday. So, I was collecting packs of Extra chewing gum and I was just going to go off that and water. It didn't work. I tried to skip as many meals a day, I only really successfully skipped one, breakfast.