The Toxicity | Taehyung x Jungkook

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ Eʟᴇᴠᴇɴ.

I walk into the room and I see her. She laid there unresponsive, so I immediately rushed to her side. I check for her pulse and it was gradually slowing down, but she was alive. I did it once again. I hurt the one I love the most.

I never could control my anger, it was hard to switch off, it was hard not to go overboard. Kilinia hates me now, but I'll never hate her. She owns my heart. Always has and always will. Why did I treat her so malicious?

Because deep down I knew that she blames me for her life. And it is true, I fucked up her life. I took her virginity and I ghosted her. Then I found out she was a month pregnant everything was about to change for the both of us. I cheated on her twice while she was pregnant and she chose to stay beside me for the sake of our little family. She blames me for her unhappiness as much as she tells me she loved me. I saw it her pretty brown eyes that she was suffering from my actions. That she deserved better and she did.

I guess I needed to blame her before she started to blame me. I know it's selfish. I'm a cruel man and it doesn't justify anything. Yet we were so deep into it that it was hard to pull out of. That beating her just became an unhealthy habit of mine.

I didn't want to be this way.

I open up her nightstand I notice her notebook. I've seen her write in it a few times, but I never questioned it. But my curiosity always got the best of me. I look over my shoulder as I kept watching of her breathing and I turn back towards the notebook.

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝟷 // 𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐾𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑎
Dr. Jeon gave me this book he thinks it's healthy for me express in a book since we couldn't meet all the time. Even though I wish we could. I felt safe with the doctor. I wish I could sit here and talk all day with him. He made me smile. Not a fake one but a real one.

He's called me beautiful, I don't remember the last time I was called such a thing. He made he flustered. Yet only if he see all of me he would take back his compliment.

All the wounds and bruises that covered my skin made me unattractive but what makes it worse is that the man I love caused this.

He's called me pathetic and maybe I am.

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝟸 // 𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐾𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑎
Hi,

I don't even know what to write, I just feel honestly sad. I know I've been unhappy for a while, but now I feel extremely sad. I love him. I always will. Why can't he just change? What did I ever do? What did I ever do to make him behave this way?

Did he blame me for making him a father?

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝟹 // 𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐾𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑎
I've dealt with the trauma of abuse my whole entirely life, but never in a million years I'd thought I would go through what my parents went through. Yet Taehyung was obviously ten times worse.

Believe it or not. His words hurts more than his hands. I stuck beside him cause of our family we built together. We made a beautiful smart and intelligent son. Who grows and learns day by day. He loved his life and we loved him.

But according to Taehyung I wasn't deserving of this life and or suppose to apart of the family of three. And maybe he's right? I'm a drug addict and I'm jobless. I've let myself go over the past three years and I didn't mean to. I just gave up.

𝙹𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙴𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝟺 // 𝐾𝑖𝑚 𝐾𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑎
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying. I'm trying for the sake of Kiden and for myself. He honestly hates me. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. And I may never know what I've done to make him this way, but I guess it was meant for me to never know.