Love Bites

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Archibald plunged his fangs into the last of the mice he'd ordered. The rodent squirmed in his hands as he drained the blood out of its tiny body. Its squeaking reminded him of his earlier hopes that his date would actually show up: pitiful.

"Can I get you anything else tonight, sir?" asked the waiter. His nose crinkled as the rotten stench of the rafflesia Archibald had brought for his date filled it.

The mouse's tail disappeared between Archibald's lips as he sucked down the last of the appetizer. "An answer as to why a heart that hasn't beat in centuries can still ache."

"I'm afraid I can't give you that, sir, but perhaps I can interest you in one of tonight's specials. Tonight, we're serving goats that have grazed on only the finest roses to infuse their blood with floral undertones."

"Do I look like a chupacabra to you?" Archibald curled his lip at the spiny creatures draining a bleating billy dry at the next table over. Vile monsters, those. He'd rather dine with a werewolf than listen to their slurping. At least those mutts had some concept of table manners, even if they did have a tendency to fill any conversation with a cacophony of howls and growls.

"My apologies, sir. Perhaps I can get you a Bloody Mary while you look over the menu?"

Archibald bared his fangs in a sharp smile. "No, I already have something in mind. I'll have the virgin of the day."

The waiter paled. "Of course."

The man rolled up his sleeve to reveal an arm lined with puncture marks. Archibald ran his tongue along the exposed flesh, chuckling as goose bumps tickled his taste buds.

The waiter gasped as the fangs sank in. Archibald drank deeply, relishing in the fear-sweet blood running down his throat.

When the waiter wobbled back to the table later that night to collect the check, still lightheaded from Archibald's main course, his heart sank. The real horror of dealing with vampires wasn't their bloodthirst. They never tipped!

Word Count: 341

I've always been weirdly fascinated with stories about food. It's amazing how much characters' relationships with it can say about them. For this story, I wanted to make sure to make the vampire human-like in some ways yet disturbingly animalistic in others.

As tiny as this story is, I've gotten quite a bit of mileage out of it. I repurposed certain aspects of it for a submission to a cryptid-themed short story anthology a while ago, and that ended up ballooning into my first attempt at a paranormal romance story (which you can expect to hear a lot more about in early 2022, so brace yourselves!).

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