The Ardor of Every Day

22.

At the end of the school day, Sasuke waited with Naruto until his dad picked him up from school. They sat on the curb, away from the school's gate. Naruto asked more questions about his first day at school, and Sasuke answered all of them with pleasure. Naruto's realization had struck him. He spoke less and observed Sasuke more. He couldn't understand or describe what he felt. It was sort of like a headache, but it didn't hurt. Just a feeling hovering over his brain. His body felt unstable and shaky. He felt a loss of appetite. He tried to act as naturally as he could in front of Sasuke.

In the middle of their conversation, Sasuke noticed Naruto zone out often.

"Hey, is everything ok?" He asked.

Naruto couldn't hear the question, just a blurred mumble. Sasuke grabbed his forearm. The cold skin almost made Naruto flinch.

"Hey." Sasuke spoke again.

"Uh yeah sorry." Naruto smiled. "Just tired."

Naruto's dad arrived just then, although he didn't notice them sitting and drove straight to the gate of the school. Naruto hugged Sasuke and said goodbye to him before walking to the car. He hadn't even thought about telling his parents that he likes boys, a relationship was a much further thought. They hadn't known each other for too long, and a longing and affectionate hug would be more than suspicious. Sasuke left a kiss under his jaw before Naruto had to pull away.

As he turned away and walked to the car, his stomach felt uneasy. Love was supposed to be this beautiful emotion. The feeling of being in love was supposed to be— not this. He sat in the car with a nauseated abdomen. Maybe he hadn't absorbed this feeling yet, as it was his first time.

"How was the first day?" Minato asked as soon as Naruto shut the car door.

"It was good." He answered, smiling.

"Good." Minato said and started driving.

Naruto walked to his room in disarray. He put his bag on the chair and sat on his bed slouching. Face in his hands. He thought his heart moved too fast. And Sasuke did not feel the same. Naruto had no doubts that Sasuke genuinely liked him back. But he definitely wasn't in love. Insecurity it was, that poisoned his pure feelings. It was because of Sasuke that Naruto knew what drowning was, drowning from his overwhelming and attractive presence. When he spent time with him, it was all he ever wanted to do. He felt like the most content and lucky person. Even during these complicated thoughts, he felt fortunate just thinking of the time they spent together. He knew that a good relationship needed a solid foundation of communication. His parents were the perfect example. Of course, they fought sometimes, but it would never last. He and Sasuke were long ways away from connecting like that. But he was worried about this. Sasuke was his priority right now. He realized that it was nearly unhealthy. He wasn't just some lover. Sasuke had much going on with his life. Naruto didn't want to add to the problems, he wanted to take them away. He thought that talking to Sasuke about this would be unwise. That it might even lead to the end of them. The only complicated relationships he had witnessed were fictional. Maybe he needed to back up a bit, try to take control of his feelings. He couldn't lose himself in this, for the sake of himself and Sasuke too. The constant thoughts burdened him. He thought it was best to take a nap. He snuggled inside the blanket, trying to think of a black screen in his head to help him go to sleep.

When he woke up, he felt better. Although the rest of the day, instead of experiencing it, he just went through the motions. He knew he had to see Sasuke every day now. He thought it would be bliss, but he felt as if he was going to be stuck in an awkward purgatory.

⊹

The next day, Naruto reached just before homeroom to avoid seeing Sasuke. He felt stupid. The fact that he was in love, but was afraid to face the person he was in love with. School helped keep him distracted, but he had promised Sasuke that he'd introduce him to his friends.