I Want to Feel Home

5 Mirrored Households

When Jason got home he screamed into his pillow. Thrusting himself onto the mattress, jeans chafing at the knees. A suffocating, guttural scream, until he shook, until his face was red, until he sweat. He folded over his knees and heaved. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to punch the wall, fly of the handle. But he found himself sniffing, sobbing, tear stained cheeks.
Jason was a good kid, he had never skipped a class, the anxiety was gut wrenching. He couldn't catch his breath. He tried to tell himself that was the only issue. Tried to ignore the kiss, the forced date, the text from Alex. The text from Alex.
'I didn't know you were dating Mitch :O'

Rory came home to the sound of a dying whale. He dropped his things at the door and came to check in.
"Jace," he leant on his brother's doorframe, "you hurt?" his voice was stern, it usually was.
Jason just about jumped right out of his skin, he hadn't heard anyone come home. He hurriedly shut up and wiped at his teary face.
"No!" his answer came out more aggressive than he'd intended. His turmoil had been interrupted, it was unwelcome.
"If you've been beat up again you need to let me see" Rory assumed. He knew how the boys at school liked to hurt him—Rory has tried to toughen him up, but only got resentment in return. Despite this, he always gave the first aid if need be.
Jason grit his teeth, "I'm not hurt! It's stupid!"
Rory was dumbfounded, he stood there a moment longer just staring. He sighed and left. Whatever. If Jason wouldn't let him help he wasn't going to try.
"Fight your own battles, see if I care" the immature older brother slammed the door abruptly.

Alex got home and threw his backpack on top of his brother, who was laying on the bottom tier of their bunk bed. Chris grunted, and shoved the bag onto the floor.
"What's crawled up your butt?" he gave Alex a playful kick. He answered with a sigh and sat down on the carpet, leaning on the unmade bed, head lazing against the mattress by Chris' knee.
"There's just all these... all these overwhelming feelings, and I don't know I've felt these before" he gave a loud, almost exaggerated sigh.
Chris squinted "well like, explain it."
Alex looked wary, "I think I'll just pray on it for now."
Chris understood, although he had lost his faith, he knew the importance of religion for the identical boy. He raked Alex's quiffed hair downwards, so it better reflected his own. It was meant as a gentle sign of affection, but Alex had the need to immediately fix his hair, like an itch to be scratched.
Chris snorted "well talk to me if you need then." He shuffled out of bed and left the room, giving him the privacy he needed to pray.

That evening Cece was texting Alex. She sensed something was off. Alex had been so sure he was head over heels in love with her, but now whenever she texted his stomach just sank, a catastrophic sinking, like the titanic. Mayday, mayday. His eyes scrunched closed, teeth gritted. He decided to hide his phone in his pocket and go for a walk, he just needed to get all the thoughts out, clear his head. He watched the gravel crunch under his blue canvas shoes, focusing on the sound under his weight, timing his breath. Meditative.
"Alex?"
He looked up. Jason was sat atop the park bench, seated on the table, feet on the chair. Alex's chest filled with static, his hands trembled, as he drifted over and joined Jason without a word. Jason took out one of his earphones and offered it to Alex. They were quiet, and they listened. Both their minds empty and unable to wander, numb.
"This song is shit" Alex mumbled. Jason laughed, and his smile contagious, Alex broke out into a grin.
Jason swept his hair behind his ear "so like... you okay?"
Alex's smile faded, he didn't answer, just stared ahead, Jason nodded understandingly, he knew the feeling all too well.
And there was silence.
It was a while before Alex looked up, the sky becoming orange and pink, street lamps coming to life.
"Mm... I better get home."
"Better" Jason shrugged. Alex brushed his fingers lightly over the back Jason's hand, then quickly got to his feet and left. Jason moved his hand to his chest and watched Alex go. What was that? What was that?! Jason's head was spinning, his heart was beating so hard he felt sick—he lurched forward, crumpling, hands to his chest.
It only made everything hurt more. Yesterday he would of been elated, but today it felt like being hit by a truck.
He liked Alex, everything about him, but it wouldn't ever become anything. With Mitch, well, he didn't like Mitch, he didn't even know him, but he liked the feeling of kissing him, liked holding his hand. Let's be realistic.