Chapter one
A rock fucks the sun, moon, earth, and heaven. Eventually it gets pregnant, and turns into an egg. That egg turns into a monkey, that immediately bows to the coordinates, THEN SHOOTS FUCKING LASERS OUT OF ITS EYES.
The jade emperor freaks out at the light coming up into the heavens, and has some guys check it out (one can see things from the past, the other can hear things from the past). They come back and explain that the whore rock gave birth to a monkey, and the emperor just brushes it off saying "it'll be fine, this isn't a big deal. Heaven and Earth make a lot of weird things. This isn't gonna be that special" (watch that statement bite him in the ass later)
The monkey grows up and joins a local monkey/ape forest gang, and one day while chilling in their favorite river, they decide to go to the source of it. They find a waterfall then chant "whoever is stupid enough to jump through that waterfall and live gets to become the leader". Of course stone monkey hears this shit and immediately goes through the waterfall, finds a beautiful living space, then has all the other monkeys come in. They all check it out, then start fighting over the stuff inside their new kingdom. After breaking some of the dishes the stone monkey intervenes, screaming "EVERYONE STOP, IM YOUR KING NOW", and they all just stop and bow to him. He immediately renames himself beautiful monkey.
After hundreds of years living in the cave (how long do these fuckers live?) Beautiful monkey has a meltdown, everyone gets concerned and asked him "what's wrong?". He responds "we're all gonna die one day" and all of the monkeys start sobbing. Eventually one ape comes up and says "why don't you go see a sage, they can teach you immortality :)" and beautiful monkey suddenly gets excited. They decide to hold a feast that night, and get drunk. The next day they make a boat for the beautiful monkey, and give him food. "Bye guys, I'll be back soon!", Beautiful monkey says as he floats away.
Once he gets on shore, he terrorizes the fishermen on shore and steals some of their clothes. Afterwards he starts wandering around for 10 years until eventually he appears on a mountain. He hears a woodcutter singing about the immortals and immediately assumes he's immortal. "HI IMMORTAL GUY TEACH ME TO BE IMMORTAL!!!", Of course the woodcutter starts screaming at the sight of a talking monkey, but eventually he calms down and they talk.
The woodcutter explains that his neighbor taught him that song, and it's just supposed to lift his spirits since his childhood sucked dick, and his mom and him are barley getting by. "Why don't you come with me, then we can both learn some cool shit", "no I have to take care of my mom". He tells the beautiful monkey where the sage lives, then the beautiful monkey is like "ok let's go :D". The woodcutter is just like "bitch did you not hear my half paragraph on why I can't go with you" then the beautiful monkey makes his way over to the sage.
He chills in the trees next to the entrance, until a guy opens the door and complains about the noise. The beautiful monkey then jumps over to the guy and asks to be let in. The guy says "oh, you're the guy my teacher was talking about, come in". The beautiful monkey gets introduced to the sage, then immediately begs to be taught. "What's your name?", "Beautiful monkey", "yeah, I'm gonna rename you". He goes over the whole naming process, then gives the monkey a new name, "Sun Wukong". Wukong immediately starts going nuts and thanks the sage.
YOU ARE READING
journey to the west summary
Humorthis is just so I can get completely into the story, and go back if I need to Each chapter is heavily summarized, don't expect this to be pretty. This is a summary of Julia Lovell's translation named "MONKEY KING, JOURNEY TO THE WEST"
