In Deepest Minds: Book Two

Chapter Four: Dismissal Blues

I earned another friend but why do I still feel the same. I'm still empty inside. I just can't feel content at all. I feel like there is something more to it than that.

But no, I think I should not let things go too far. I think I just don't know what I want. What do I want? What is it that I wanted? I-I don't know who I am. Who am I?

That's what I've been thinking since dismissal and then I went into the bus and I always think about who I am and all of that. I guess the only person who knows yourself is yourself. I know it seems redundant but I think you get the gist.

I sighed and then I heard someone talking behind me.

"What's the matter, kid?" he asked, with his cranky voice.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said, I feel like talking to a stranger is something that I am not comfortable with.

Ever since I was a kid I was asked the same question over and over again. What are you going to be when you grow up? I haven't answered that thing yet when I was a kid and now I was almost up for college and still I have an uncertain future in my hands.

"Well, I guess you're not comfortable talking to strangers," said the old man behind me on the bus "your parents taught you very well. You seem to be in trouble. What's wrong?"

"Fine," I give up, I think it's none of your business about this one, old man "I was having problems about my future."

"Ah yes," he said, I think that's all I have to say to him "so, tell me. What is it that you want to be?"

"I-I don't know," I said to him. I just don't know at all. I don't know what my future holds for me. I just don't know which path I should choose and I think there's some sort of disappointment in him.

"I see," said the old man. I think I'm about to go soon. Wait, is he my neighbor next door? I haven't been talking to him yet "I think we've met before. Do you remember me? Back then."

"Yeah," I said and then I just realized that the bus arrives at my destination so went down and then the old man followed me.

We were walking down a few blocks and then the old man clears his throat and then he said to me.

"You're quite uncertain about your future? I think maybe..." he said and then he coughed for a second "...you lost your purpose on the way or maybe in the very beginning as well. Ever since you were a kid in this place I keep asking you what you want to be when you grow up. You always say 'I don't know' or 'who knows'. But now, you still don't know what you want. You are lost."

Yeah, I don't know what I want and all but I feel like I just don't know what is my purpose for living in this world. Maybe I am nothing.

"Well, you're going off to senior high," the old man went on while we were walking down the sidewalk "you better find your purpose at that time. To decide what path you want to step on."

On what path am I going to step on? What course am I going to take? What strand am I going to take on? Ugh, all of these questions that I have. Gives me more questions than answers. I hate this.

It's hard for me to choose what should I do. I don't know what I want, I don't even know who I am. Who am I?

There was silence after that and then I arrived at my home and then I say to the old man.

"Goodbye, old man,"

"The name's Allan," he said, oh so, he lives next door to us. I guess. I forgot who my neighbor is for the past few months of being busy at times "you better find your purpose. Your true purpose in life and what will it be. Goodbye."

He opens the door to his house and then he enters and shuts the door off. I was just here standing in the front yard at the house.

What is my true purpose in life? Is it to help my friends? Is it to help those who are in need? What path should I take?

I entered my house and then I found my mom preparing something for dinner. She was a great cook to me and also my dad. But my dad is not here for now. I think he was in a meeting or something.

My mom was a teacher and my father is an engineer. They are always busy doing their jobs because they have their purpose in life.

Is to provide for me. For my every need. They just take care of me. That is one of their purpose in life. I don't know which is my purpose, my future. My future is at stake if I can't decide now, then who can?

I went to the kitchen to find out and ask about it.

"Mom,"

"Hmm..." said my mom, while she was cooking something. I don't know what it is but it smells delicious to me "...what is it, Rogan?"

"Mom, there's something I want to ask you..."