traitor | Ziggy x Nick

18: a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

Stranger, who knows all my secrets
Can pull me apart and break my heart
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be
-
Jess Benko

>>>

Standing in front of another church full of Shadysiders, I take a deep breath before speaking.

"My mother...she was an amazing woman. She'd been through a lot, but still she somehow stuck by our family. When everything started going to sh- downhill, it was hard for everyone in Shadyside. And even if it took a while for her to come around, she still did. We pushed through that time despite it all, together as a family. And yet, it still somehow ended just the same. I wish I had been there with her, I just can't help but feel like I could've done something to save her. I wish there was a way to stop it all," I choke up. "I'm sorry," I say. "I guess it's just, I'm tired of Shadyside always having to go through the pain, over and over again. I just, Want to say thank you to my mother. For going through all the pain and still being there for me no matter what. I love you mom," I look to her at the alter.

The rest of the funeral blurs by, just like the previous week where I signed paperwork mindlessly regarding my mother. A funeral home had taken her a day after I saw her in the hospital. Luckily Nick offered to help fund the funeral so I could have it so soon after her passing. I had also received her autopsy results and there was nothing surprising - just a slew of injuries but no drugging. Foul play in the form of Pastor Miller, but they would never find the culprit since no one would believe the devil sent him after my mother. Especially since the heart was basically non existent after we killed it.

Eventually we were called to the alter to view her body, and as soon as I saw her, my knees buckled and I get a feeling of deja vu. Her body was so lifeless, her face peaceful. They had put glass eyes in place of the ones gouged by pastor Miller. If the story wasn't printed in the Shadyside paper, no one would've known they weren't real. My eyes tear up at the thought, I couldn't bear the pain in my heart knowing I'd lost my family truly now. Eventually I was pulled up by Nurse Beddy and escorted to my seat, and the next few hours were simply people coming up to me giving their condolences, telling me they were sorry, telling me they'd be here for me if I ever needed. But I knew what they meant - I didn't have any parents left - well technically I still had my father, but seeing as he didn't even pay child support or come to the funeral there were no plans to even get in touch with him. I was a sixteen year old thought to be a crazy girl and would be living alone soon.

The funeral flies by quickly and when everyone leaves I walk back up to the alter. I remember a conversation I had with my mother and Cindy in one of the few moments when she was sober. She had been talking about the Shadyside killers, and in her rant had mentioned if she was killed, she would want to be cremated. My eyes water at the memory and suddenly a pang of guilt runs through me. I blink away the tears before getting up and giving a tight smile to her, muttering I love you to her again.

I walk quietly out of the church as I let Nurse Beddy talk with the funeral director about her cremation, and take a seat at the bench outside the church and close my eyes. After a minute or so I hear a rustle next to me, and I turn to look at the source of the sound.

"I'm sorry," Nick tells me.

I shake my head silently, I wasn't in the mood for talking about this. I was exhausted and burnt out. I needed time to just rest and talk about that later.

"Okay, but I wanted to let you know, my mother wants to help you in a way. She said she could pull a few strings to let you stay home without being forced to live with your father."

I nod tiredly, barely processing his words. Taking a breath, I turn and make eye contact with Nick, who looks at me with worry.

"I've just...I've just been thinking," I say. "I don't know what to do now. I don't know what will happen now that the curse, it's over."

"We could...you know, start our Judy Blume book club?" he tells me, hope in his tight smile, but I can't mirror it. When I don't smile back his expression drops and I turn away. This week I'd spent the few moments I had thinking between all the paperwork. I didn't know how to think about it all, didn't know what I should say to the person who was by my side the entire time.

"Ziggy?" he asks, obviously trying to keep his calm, but his voice cracks at my name.

I put my head in my hands which were balancing on my knees and rub my eyes wearily. I would do anything to simply disappear right now - to not have to deal with my emotions. After a minute where I barely manage to keep myself from crying, I finally meet Nick's eyes. He deserved that much.

"I...Im sorry, Nick."

"Ziggy, nothings you're fault. It was me and the devil and the Goodes, but I'm telling you it's all gone now."

I don't respond again, but eventually whisper a response, "but the cost was too high." Picking at my cuticles, I draw my knees up to my chin on the bench and stare into the setting sun. It was blood orange, fading from the tiny slither of blue sky left, the night already creeping in. "I lost everyone. I lost the people I loved most. You lost no one, and I know you didn't want it, but your family is the reason I'm left all alone now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I need time. I need distance."

His eyes crack open and his mouth immediately opens after I close my own, but I give him a small, tight smile. "But you should know I meant what I said before. I do love you, but I'm not ready. There's too much raw pain. Maybe down the road. Maybe we'll never meet again."

I stand quietly from the bench and rub my arms which were peppered with goosebumps. I don't give in to temptation to turn around and run back into his arms, I don't because I had too many scars I wasn't willing to share yet. And there was one more I just created, right across my heart. Walking away, holding tears back, I quickly collapse into the passenger seat of Nurse Beddy's car. And when he reverses out of a parking space, I look out the window for one last glance at the one person I loved.

But he'd already disappeared.

a/n
AND THATS 1978!!! Omg this was an emotional rollercoaster to write and have everyone following along BUT I want you to know it's not over;) I'm going to start writing 1994 after I make a lot of edits to 1978! I might combine chapters and kinda edit them down or add minor touches, but I won't be removing anything too important:) editing could take a while but I'll try keep you updated but thank you all so so so much for reading my story I never would've thought that I could get so much support so seriously thank you all so much ilyasm and I hope you'll stick around for the next part!!

-michi<333333

ps. also thank you guys sm for 8k reads??? yall are AMAZING !!! ILYASM<3