I freeze the moment he walks through the door. It's like I forgot how to breathe or like I got the wind knocked out of me. My mind goes blank and it's like I can't move.
"You have got to be kidding me." My best friend Allison says under her breath. I snap out of it and look away from him before he sees me. "Are you serious, y/n?"
"What?" I ask innocently as I take a sip of coffee. I know what Allison's going to say though. We've been through this before so I brace myself for the lecture.
"You know what, y/n. I saw the way you just looked at Mark."
"I didn't look at him in any certain way. I was just surprised to see him. That's all." I say in my defense. It's the truth too. I wasn't expecting to see Mark. I haven't seen or spoken to him in months.
"You knew his season ended. You knew he was coming home. It happens at this time every year." Allison continues. I just nod and let her speak. "We go through this every year. You two always get back together. Stop pretending like you're not hung up on. "
"I'm not hung up on him." I say too quickly. This makes Allison laugh. We both know I still like him. It's been this way for past 4 years. We date, he leaves for the snowboarding season, I get sad, and then he comes back in the spring and we start right back where we left off.
"So you and Mark aren't getting back together this year?" Allison asks me with a condescending look on her face.
"I don't plan on it." I reply. I plan on avoiding Mark while he's home. I need to truly get over this boy.
"Really?" Allison questions as if she doesn't believe me.
"Yes really! I know he's not good for me. It never works out between us. I know we shouldn't be together." I say.
"Okay. Whatever you say." Allison adds. I can tell that she still doesn't believe me.
~~~
I can't sleep. I keep thinking about how I saw Mark earlier today. I keep thinking about how I lost my cool the second he walked through the door. I can't let that happen again. I can't let his presence matter to me. I can't let him matter to me.
It's almost as if Mark knows I'm thinking about him because now he's calling me. It's 1am and I'm wide-awake. Normally I'd answer his cal without hesitation. I want to answer his call. I want to know what he has to say to me. We haven't spoken since the break up. It's killing me, but I press ignore and take a deep breath. He calls right back and I ignore it once more.
~~~
"Guess who we saw yesterday?" Allison asks my friend Kelsey as we sit around the table and have breakfast.
"Who?!" Kelsey asks with too much enthusiasm.
"Mark McMorris." Allison tells her. Kelsey looks at me instantly with wide eyes, but I look down at my coffee.
"So are you two back together yet?" Kelsey asks me with a laugh. Allison joins in. I consider telling them about how Mark called me last night. I want to tell them how I ignored his call, but they won't understand how much of a personal victory that is for me. I never ignore Mark's calls. I always give in.
"No. We're not back together. We're never getting back together." I assure my friends. They both laugh again. I've been saying this for years.
"So if Mark were starring over here right now, you wouldn't care?" Allison asks me. I shake my head.
"Nope. I wouldn't care at all."
"Well good because he's been starring over here for the past five minutes. He hasn't looked away once." She informs me. I immediately start scanning the room for Mark's face. It only takes a couple seconds for me to find him and just like they said, he's looking right at me. I look away from him as soon as our eyes meet. I can feel my face go red instantly.
"Why is he starring over here?" I wonder out loud.
"You know why." Kelsey adds.
"I'm gonna go say something." I say quickly as I stand up from my seat. My friends get a look of panic on their faces.
"Why?!" They say in unison.
"I want to tell him that starring is rude and I want to tell him to leave me alone." I say to Kelsey and Allison. They watch me in shock as I walk over to Mark's table. He's sitting there with his brother and a of couple friends.
"What's up, y/n?" Craig asks me when I reach their table.
"Hey, Craig." I say dismissively as I focus my attention towards Mark. "We need to talk."
"Alright." Mark answers. He follows me outside without saying a word.
"You have got to stop." I say coldly as soon as the door closes behind us.
"Stop doing what?" He asks me. He takes a step towards me, but I back away without hesitation. He frowns at my action.
"Stop calling me at 1 in the morning. Stop starring at me while I'm out getting coffee with my friends. Just stop." I tell Mark.
"I'm sorry." Mark says quietly as he stares down at his feet. "I'm not staying long anyways."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm only home for the week. I bought a house in California. I'll be there all summer, so you don't have to worry about me bugging you."
"Good." I reply, but I don't mean it. I feel like I got kicked in the stomach again. I kinda feel like crying and I don't know why. I shouldn't care, but I hate the idea of him not being around. I don't want to go months without seeing him again.
"You could come with me ya know." Mark whispers.
"What?" I ask because I need to be sure that I heard him correctly.
"Come with me. Come to California with me." He says eagerly. He's looking at me now and I can see the excitement in his eyes.
"No way! I can't go to California with you!" I say instantly. This is insane.
"Why not?!" Mark asks. "We could be together everyday! We could do anything and everything!"
"My life is here. And you and I...we never work out. It always ends badly for us. I'm not going to move my entire life for a doomed relationship." I explain.
"We always break up because I always leave, but I'm not leaving this time. We'll be together. I want to do this, y/n. I want to be with you. Come with me!" Mark says excitedly.
"You're serious about this?" I question further.
"I've been thinking about it a lot. I'm never going to get over you and I think that's pretty clear. So lets do it. Lets be together."
"You've thought about it a lot?" I ask him. He nods slowly and moves slightly closer to me. He reaches for my hand and I let him.
"Okay." I finally say. "I'll go with you to California."
"Really?!" Mark nearly shouts. He looks completely stunned while looking totally happy at the same time.
"Yes really." I say as I try to hide my smile. I know it's risky to spend the summer in California with Mark. I know I haven't really thought about this, but I want to go.
Mark then pulls me into him without any warning. He kisses me hard in an overly excited kiss. I waste no time in wrapping my around him and kissing him back.
"So you're really coming with me?" He asks in between kisses. I'm about to answer when he starts kissing me again.
"Yes! I'm really coming!" I manage to get out once I break from his lips.
"You're friends are going to be so pissed." Mark says with a laugh as he leans his forehead against mine. I suddenly remember Allison and Kelsey. He's right. My friends are going to kill me.
"They'll get over it." I tell Mark as I pull him back into a kiss.
