"This is a special Birthday Message, for a special Birthday Boy!" the woman onscreen sounds cheerful and bright, but the close observer might note that her smile is a little strained.
Then the smile quickly falls off her face as her voice drops an octave.
"You know she's just waiting for you to DIE, right?"
The woman stares into the camera with penetrating eyes, devoid of emotion.
"You're 50 now. In Korea, at least, they would consider you to be 50" she continues, her voice quiet and serious.
"Most people can expect to live into their 80s, but people like you?" She shrugs flippantly.
"She knows what kind of person you are" the woman's upper lip curls in disgust. "She knows that if she ever left you, you would pull every dirty, mean trick in the world to keep her from her money, and she is NOT going back to the Barrio where you found her. She has put up with your shit for TOO. Damn. Long." she pauses for dramatic effect.
"She was your Baby Mama for TEN YEARS before your finally married her, in a rushed Vegas ceremony that didn't include anyone from her large extended family (now mostly estranged because of you), and she thought, for a brief shining moment, that after you married her, things would be different. She thought you were finally ready to settle down and have a real life together. She thought you were over your Fuck Boy Ho Phase" the woman's left eyebrow lifts disdainfully, voice dripping with contempt.
"How long did it take for her to realize that she was now more trapped than before?" she asks, shaking her head.
"She was SO young when you trapped her with that baby. Young and stupid. That's why you were fucking around with high school girls in the first place, because you like them young and stupid. Still, she wasn't entirely without blame, we should give you that much credit" the woman shrugs again, mouth turned down in a sardonic grin.
"What kind of a girl runs to get in line to fuck a 35 year old creep who has already fucked her other high school friends? What kind of a PICK ME girl agrees to your refusal to wear a condom because 'you can't have kids'. What the Fuck? Had she never heard of STDs?
She knew you were a whore, she knew you had been run through, but she still opened her legs for you, sans condom, and got pregnant. She had to go through her whole senior year of high school with a bun in the oven, AND THEN you demanded a paternity test to prove that the kid was yours! On BOTH of your children, including the one that came seven years later.
AND what did she find, when she came into your world? You had seven other women on rotation that you were fucking, each of them performing some other service for you as well. One did your laundry, another one cooked for you, a different one cleaned your house. Your penis was for sale to the lowest bidder. Yard Sale Penis.
Worse, these women did NOT all know about each other! You were putting their health at risk! You told them whatever lie would keep them in servitude to you. One of them had a meltdown on the front lawn, and your Baby Mama had to call the cops.
She had to accept that world in order to be your Baby Mama. She had to help you lie to those women, in order to stay in your life. But you were her ticket OUT! She got you for 18 years!
Then another baby came along.
It's kind of funny that she was the only one who ever got pregnant, considering how reckless you were with your seed. Did you really fuck with all those other women without a condom? Were you lying to her when you told her you can't have kids? Were you only fucking high school girls without condoms, to purposely impregnate one, so that you could raise her and mold her to be the gullible patsy that you wanted her to be?
OR
Can paternity tests be faked? In her neighborhood, people create fake Driver's Licenses all the time. How hard can it be to fake a letter?" The woman onscreen shrugs and rolls her eyes with a sarcastic smile.
