Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? Someone you've never even seen? A few months ago, I wouldn't have believed so.
The lyrics to that old song by Duran Duran go:
My immaculate dream/ made breath and skin/ I've been waiting for you
That song has been heavily on my mind as I try to process what is happening to me, to explain it, to understand it, to rationalize it, and I CAN'T! I can't explain it! I'm losing my mind!
It feels SO GOOD! It hurts SO MUCH!
It started with dreams. Wet dreams. Do women even get those?! Well, I do.... now.
I would wake up in the dead of night with a moan on my lips, my body convulsing in ecstasy, slickness between my thighs. I have to admit I liked it. I got greedy for it. Might as well use the lubricant that's already there waiting for me, and give myself another bought of intense pleasure.
I never thought it could progress further than that.
Recently, a day or so before the eclipse of the full moon, my wet dreams became a waking reality. It started on a sunny morning, as I lay in bed readying myself for the day. I was fully awake, thinking about all the things that needed to be done, my thoughts purely innocent and chaste.
Suddenly, my body was ROCKED by intense sensation! It felt like SEX! Like I was being fucked HARD!
I lay there, fully clothed, covered in blankets, clutching the pillow behind my head in desperation, and my body just writhed and twisted in the grasp of these feelings! I could almost see a man on top of me, in another time or space, like an alternate reality that brushed too close against this one.
It went ON and ON and ON, for several minutes. I came, and came, and came again! By the time it was finished with me, I was panting and whimpering, exhausted by the closeness of the orgasms, biting my sleeve to keep from crying out too loudly and alarming everyone in the house.
What a strange phenomenon, I thought. I wonder what could have caused that? I wonder if I will ever experience that again? It seemed harmless enough.
The next day, it hit me again, totally out of the blue, at a time much later in the morning than before. I was driving!
Now I know for sure that I was NOT thinking of, or imagining anything, the least bit sexual! I was driving home from the dentist! Thinking about proper tooth care!
Suddenly, my thighs tightened, and wave after wave of intense sexual pleasure rolled through me. I had to grasp the steering wheel with both hands, white-knuckled in desperation, trying my best to make it home without crashing the car!
I orgasmed FIVE times! FIVE! Yes, I counted! Wouldn't you?
The day of the lunar eclipse came, and most of that day I was pretty happy. I was excited about the eclipse. As night fell, my mood became darker and darker. Sleep eluded me.
You see, someone that I had thought of as a friend, a really GOOD friend, had done me dirty, and then ghosted me. We had met online, through a game, and we live thousands of miles away from each other, so we have never been physically in each other's presence, but talking to him was like talking to someone I had known my whole life! He seemed to get me in a way that is just impossible for a stranger. What he did to me REALLY hurt.
I had avoided thinking about it, or dealing with it, for over a month. Tonight, I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to have closure. My heart hurt so badly! I was in so much pain!
I wanted to ask him "why"?
Still nothing in response.
All right then, it's really over. He has no interest in speaking to me again. Was he ever really my friend? How did it come to pass that I valued so preciously the opinion of a person who didn't value me at all? I used to be so guarded, bulletproof even, but this friend crushed my soul, and I lay awake all night thinking about it. Missing him.
