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005. TO LIVE OR DIE ( chapter five! ) ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ, ˢᵒ ᵗʰᵉʸ ˢᵃʸ ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵒᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵃˡˡ ᵉᵛⁱˡ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ -money, pink floyd. 🌙
IN A LITTLE corner of the room, Asuka found herself wrapping the provided thin blanket tighter around herself like it was a safety net, as if it could shield her from the world. Her vision wavered in between being teary as she remembered heads exploding around her, grimly reminding her of old fruit being thrown at a wall, and alert anytime she heard a shuffling of feet in the room, or a quiet murmur and sob. The stuffy air surrounding the dead silent dormitory was subdued, yet it was charged with a certain tenseness making Asuka feel suffocated and dense, like the weight of the world was crashing down on her. Even the lighting was dimmed, the only light source being the ever-glowing pig above them, a reminder of why they're here.
On the way back to the dorm, Asuka didn't think about it. Following her group back into the pastel walled room, now losing its initial charm, making it appear more like a camouflaging beast, she didn't think about it. She refused to think about what happened until she couldn't help it. The dried blood was there, heavy, and sticky on her skin. The echoing screams of people dying never left her mind, like a parasite, it dug itself into the coils of her brain, and stayed there. The burning ache in her legs, not unlike the pain you'd feel after a satisfying work-out was there, weakening her movements.
Now she couldn't stop thinking about it. As soon as she found a spot amongst the rest of the dejected winners of the previous game, huddled beside her companion, she cried. Weak little gasps, hiding her pained face behind blood-caked fingers, her shoulders shaking with each shuddering breath, as her lips trembled like a child. The physical distance between her and Gi-Hun was purposeful as she pulled her thin legs towards her chest, replaying the experience, over and over again like a movie reel. She wanted to be left alone, to be given privacy to let loose all of these troubling emotions, but at the same time she needed the company.
Gi-Hun didn't say anything aside from asking if she needed help wiping the blood off her face, and he didn't make a move to touch her when she refused. The understanding between them was clear as they sat there, blankly staring into the distance as the reality of the situation sunk in.
In all of Asuka's life, she had never seen anyone die. Death was a natural course of life, an inevitable end that no one could ever run from. But in her day-to-day life, she never thought about it, and if she did, it would only make her spiral. She's had pets, and she's had family members who she watched being lowered into a grave. She's seen movies where people die, or the news hearing the stories about murder. But she had never faced it, head on and looking the grim reaper right in the eye.
It was a massive slap to the face being forced to watch it as though it had somehow tainted whatever innocence Asuka had left in her with the act of her grandma dying of old age, peacefully in a hospital bed, now slashed and diced with a repeating movie reel of a twisted game: people dropping, people screaming. Death was always right around the corner, watching and waiting.
