Unofficially Mine

Chapter 9

If you want to die by my hands, then all you have to do is interrupt my binge watch time. But if there's someone who can get away with it or even make me pause watching, just to text him back, it would be Axel.

I'm scared that if he says he'll stop talking to me for good if I don't give up on my asian series, I might actually give it up.

Who am I kidding, I won't give it up for anyone.

He better accept me for the way I am.

Somehow, during the past one month, we eased into a friendship. Of course, our timings and the duration between each text is still messed up. But we have our own lives to live.

I'd been doing my internship this month. It was a part of our 5 year syllabus, so I couldn't sit it out. Architecture is a great field and I chose it out of passion to help the poor and needy. In my opinion, everyone deserves a beautifulplace to call their home; somewhere to make memories. It's not just about shelter. It's about the feelings evoked in a space. And I wished for everyone to feel it, irrespective of the money they can spend on it.

Buuuuut the work load makes me want to throw myself off the first building I finish designing. I'm hanging off the thin thread called 'dream for the future'.

I don't think the senior architects in our firm are aware that interns are humans. They probably think that we're zombies, who keep working day and night, giving the laptop screen our undivided attention and even if we died, we would resurrect and come back to work for them. They won't care. In fact they might ask, "What took you so long?"

So you can imagine the happiness I felt when they suddenly gave us a holiday.
The first thought that crossed my mind was about Axel.

Obviously. Naturally.

I asked Axel to come out to walk around the villa, so that we could have a proper conversation. He hesitated quite a bit. And I can't blame him because well...

Let me tell you something about the Indian Society. They know how to dig their noses into everybody's business except their own. Indians were probably descendants of mole rats. That's how great they are at digging into everything. I love this country and the people around me. But I don't really 'like' them.

I knew that walking around with him would be uncomfortable. But I never anticipated the extent of it.

Everyone knew our history. So they expected us to stay away from each other like the North and South pole. But unfortunately for them, we had a magnetic attraction (at least from my side).

So when we set out on our Villa stroll, it felt like we were surveyed by a pack of wolves waiting to pounce. We had a beautiful conversation on which neighbor stared at us the longest and things like how dangerous it would be to walk into certain lane for fear of running into either of our parents.

And once the fear overtook us, we ran for our lives; obviously in opposite directions.

*sigh*

Physically meeting Axel in public is off the list now. This judgemental crowd makes us do suspicious things, like meeting up in moss ridden backyards with a risk of accidentally stamping on snakes; as if we're secret lovers.

We might as well be, considering the risks we take to meet up and maintain friendship.

But secret meet-ups worry me like crazy. Every time I think of that, the first images that come to mind are that of my tear streaked mom and the dissapointment in his mom's eyes.

So I continued with the ocxasional texts; the virtual friendship. There are times when I'm so stressed that texting him long essays on my emotions and feelings give me relief. He isn't too thrilled on the prospect of reading them. But writing all my feelings towards him, then feeling like a mountain is off my shoulder and later regretting it, became a habit.

I will never understand myself.

I was convinced that, all I felt for him was an infatuation. Until one day, on my way home from work, I opened Instagram and saw Axel's name. He liked the post of a really hot girl a few minutes after she posted.

I don't know what all emotions ran through me, but what I could clearly feel was a physical pain in my chest. I usually have to ask him to like my posts weeks later after posting it. He saw it and chose to ignore it. I realized that he would end up with a beautiful, tall and sexy girl and I'd be left to rot.

I couldn't see him with someone else, and I broke down on the street. I ran behind a tree and cried. Cried because I realized that I was desperately in love with him. And he didn't feel the same way.

I decided to stop this madness. I had to tell him my feelings face to face, find closure from his response, forget about him and move on.

__________________________

Axel : Will you reach soon?

Alisha : Yea, give me a minute.

Axel : Cool. Be careful. The Millers are home.

Alisha : Okayyy.

I knew I had to tell him. And this was my chance. And out of all the places we could've met up at (not that we had a tremendous number of options), we decided to meet-up behind Ally's place, aa she was on the other side of the country at the moment. How not totally messed up at all. Two exes meeting in a secret spot behind the guy's ex's house. Smh.

I'd practiced the words a million times in my head, but I went blank when I saw him. I just couldn't bring myself to blurt it out when he looked at me.

"I...I'm in love with you."

"So my guess wasn't far off, huh", he said with a grin.

Of course he knew. Any bloody idiot would. Not like I've made it totally obvious at all.

"...yea", I was dying of embarrassment on the inside.

"Ali, I'm not going to say the words you expect me to."

Wait, so you won't be saying 'Get away from me, Satan'? Okay....

"You know that a relationship now wouldn't work out. I'll probably leave the country soon. But I'm serious about this, if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's the fact that in the future, if all goes well, we can be together."

This was not going the way I had in mind. Is he actually asking me my hand in marriage?

I could feel my stomach partying down there due to excitement for the future.
So I guess he was not telling me to get away. Should I be happy about this...?

Well, I definitely wasn't expecting a relationship. I'm not naive. I definitely can't commit. My top priorities are my academics and family. Romance was never part of the list. But Axel was making it impossible to erase it from my list as it kept appearing like in some damned oracle scroll.

In fact, I did expect him to get far away from me to escape the clutches of a desperate stalker.

But my thoughts vaporized when he kissed me. I really really liked the body contact with him. He was the best hard object to hug.

Literally hard. (hehe)

"I can't marry you! We don't match. There are so many reasons why we shouldn't--"

I was smothered with another kiss, and we started an argument on the various reasons why it was impossible or possible in the future.

And he won with everything.

My argumentative abilities were buried six feet under, when my thoughts were clouded.

We drifted off into random conversation, infused with kisses and hugs; like Romeo and Juliet in the moonlight. Puke worthy romantic.

Will this romance crash and burn like those Shakespearean characters?

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Hey Readers,

Sorry for any errors that may have found their way here unknowst to me.
You can point them out if you spot those traitors.

Thanks!

And...happy reading!

Love,
GJM